Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“You traitorous bitch!” There’s a slap. “You promised to always be on my side, yet you betray me like this?!” Then comes a punch. “You want to see me dead, don’t you? You want to leave me behind to suffer and die just like your bastard of a father, isn’t that right? Answer me Mari!”

A hard shove comes at last, sending the young blonde woman crashing down onto the floor. “Ah!” She squeaks out on reflex, but truthfully it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. “Mama, I’m not trying to abandon or betray you. I only said that I’ll be leaving for Tokyo soon. I’ll still-,” she starts, but is immediately silenced by the jagged edges of the glass bottle the irate woman now holds in her hands just inches from her face. She lets out a reflexive, visceral scream in reply.

“Mari-chan, stop your excuses and listen to me now.” She glares down at the woman who is now holding her slender fingers protectively against her scar. A regular reminder of her past sin. “You enjoy tormenting me, don’t you? Is this your revenge? You provoke me into threatening you with this; what I know will bring you in line, but then dare treat me like a villain? All because of a mistake?” She shakes the broken bottle slightly, Marina whimpering with every motion. “If you didn’t give me a reason, I wouldn’t need to do this, don’t you understand Mari-chan? It’s your own fault! Don’t put the blame on me! You never listen to me! You don’t care about me!”

“I’m sorry Mama!” Marina cries out, pleading. “Please, I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m always on your side and I love you so much. I swear I do, but I’m just asking you to listen to me for once!” She peeks through her closed eyelid and can see the woman beginning to waver slightly. She takes the opportunity to carefully wrap her hands around her mother’s and slowly lowers her arm until the glass is touching the floor. She begins tenderly stroking her mother’s hands, and at last the bottle lets out a light clang as it’s released and rolls freely on the floor. “Mama, let’s talk.”

The woman suddenly seems mystified, as though she’s in daze and has become suddenly quite docile. Marina gets to her feet and never releasing her Mother’s hand, she guides them over to the sofa. “Mari-chan, the Kombucha….” She makes the request as she sits down, legs together.

Marina nods. “Of course Mama, just one moment, ok?” She hurries to the kitchen to get some.

Barely a minute later she returns and hands her mother the glass as she takes the seat directly beside her. Her mother nods in silent thanks and takes a sip. “I’ll hear you out now, I suppose.”

“Thank you Mama.” She nervously steels herself, wringing her hands together, until she can finally manage to speak. “Mama, as you know, I’m already 22 and have never left this town. I’ve stayed here, together with you, even sacrificing my higher education prospects to take a local job as an Administrator at the Azuma clinic, which I was only fortunate to get thanks to Naoki….”

“Are you…blaming me? Are you saying I’ve been holding you back?” She grips the glass hard.

“No!” Marina panics slightly and immediately enters her de-escalation mode. “I was happy to stay here with you. I wanted to stay and made that choice for myself. I’m not saying I regret it.” Her fingers loosen around the glass. “However, I realize that no matter how much I love you, I can’t forget to love myself. I deserve to experience life, see the world and make mistakes of my own. I deserve to try something new that I want to do, and perhaps even…fall in love…maybe?”

Her mother suddenly gets a dim sparkle in her eyes. “Love? Mari-chan…are you, in love?” She places the glass on table, sits up straight and faces her daughter earnestly for the first time today. “Is it one of the Azuma boys? Junya? No, he recently married I heard, right after becoming the new head of the clinic after his father officially retired. So then it must be Naoki, right? Mari?”

Marina swallows hard, unsure of how to properly answer. It’s not because she doesn’t know her own feelings. She’s spent the last ten years, no maybe even longer, in turmoil over conflicting feelings she discovered, and at the end of every contemplation, there could only be one answer. It’s certainly not Junya. It’s not Naoki either, though she had a fleeting crush on him for a while. She didn’t have any real friends at school, and the boys never looked her way, especially after she got her scar. No, Marina has been overwhelmingly alone and misunderstand by all, except for one. The thought of it still makes her want to gag, yet her heart has never yearned harder.

“Mari-chan?” Her mother’s call snaps her back to the moment. “Tell me the truth. Who is it?”

“There’s no one yet Mama,” she decides to go with the white lie approach. “I’m saying I want to experience it for the first time. I’m not dating anyone right now.” Technically the truth. Kind of.

Marina’s mama slowly loses her small smile and her eyes narrow. “Mari-chan, why do you lie?”

“I’m not lying Mama, I promise. I really don’t have anyone I’m dating. I just hope I can-.”

“Mari-chan, are you trying to make a fool of me? Do you really want to upset me again?” She looks at her with a suddenly sharp intensity. “Do you think I don’t know you? My own child?”

“Mama, what do you mean? I’m not doubting that. Why do you think I’m lying to you? I’m not.”

“You think I’m stupid, right? That it, isn’t it?” She laughs as though there’s something funny. “You think I haven’t heard the whispers around town? You think I haven’t seen the texts that flood your phone at night even as you sleep? You think I don’t know when you come back late?”

Marina’s throat gradually grows dry, and she begins to feel it constricting as her breathing rate rises. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about Mama. I’m sure it's j-just a big misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” Marina’s mother snatches her glass, chugs it down and then slams it hard on the table, forcing it to shatter and sending Marina into a panic once again. She then tackles her down on the couch, restricts her arms forcibly and pins her down as she hovers over her. “How can I possibly misunderstand that my Mari-chan somehow stopped being my Mari-chan? How could I not notice that my Mari-chan took an interest in pointless things like insects, dogs and games? How could I ignore your sudden desire to hang out after school with your ‘friends’? How could I pretend not to hear the gossip of the neighbors discussing how little Mari-chan was often seen around town with that poor, dirty, pitiful child of a loose woman? Do you think I’m a fool?”

Marina struggles slightly under her grip. “Shizuka is more than just that!” She curses herself. However, the mistake has already been made, so she can’t back down now. “I love her Mama.”

The older woman’s eyes snap open, the malice clear within them. “You hate me so much, that you’d degrade yourself to fall on your knees before the child of the whore who stole your father from us? You really despise me so much to let her corrupt and sully you? No…I won’t allow it!” She finally loses control, wrapping her hands around Marina’s slender neck and squeezing hard.

“Mama stop! That hurts!” She struggles against her, trying to pull her hands away. “Please stop it Mama! Listen to me for once in your life! Please just listen to me and let me explain! Mama!” She doesn’t stop or respond. She is too far gone. A tear slides down Marina’s cheek. “Enough!” She musters up the strength to push her off and jumps to her feet, then she runs towards the door.

“Mari-chan!” Her mother screeches like a banshee, calling out for her. “Mari-chan, if you leave me too…if you leave me just like that man did…if you choose that daughter of a whore…you’ll have killed me. Is it what you want? Do you want to see your Mother dead? Answer me Mari!”

“We’re already dead!” Marina finally finds her full voice and unleashes her true thoughts. “We died a long time ago Mama. You haven’t been the same since Papa left, and even though I’ve always been here by your side, it was never enough. You begged and pleaded for me to stay with you, to support you, to love you, but what about me? You say you love me, and I believe there’s still a  part of you that does, but not enough to set me free. I’m your security blanket to hold in response to your grief. You cling to me to bring yourself comfort, but when have you last given me any comfort? When have you held me, supported me and consoled me? All you’ve done over these years is HURT ME! You hurt me and then guilt me into staying at your side because you hate to be alone. Yet through it all, you don’t really see me anymore. We’ve become ghosts who haunt this house like two broken specters of heartbreak and pain. Our love is now our graves.”

Marina’s mother falls silent, something finally resonating and getting through. “Mari…chan?”

Marina shakes her head. “No, you won’t summon me back, not this time.” She walks to her room and returns moments later, now wearing her purse, rolling a suitcase. “I’m going to go to a place that’s felt more like home than these walls ever have. It’s not a place actually, but a person. It’s a feeling that I’ve never felt with such intensity, and that honestly pisses me off. Even now I want to punch her in that stupid face because I already know the stupid joke she’ll make when I arrive. Yet my heart jumps in pleasant anticipation because no matter how annoying she is, it knows it’ll be safe. It knows it’ll be protected. It knows it’ll receive the love it’s always deserved, even if I don’t deserve it. Shizuka had every right to shun me after what I put her through, yet she’s the only one who’s SEEN ME. HEARD ME. SUPPORTED ME. CHOSE ME. LOVED ME!” She opens the door and turns around only once more. “I love you Mama, but it’s time to SAVE ME.”

“Mari-chan? Mari-chan! Mari-chan….” The woman cries deeply, but no one remains to hear it.

Marina walks down the path, wiping her tears on her sleeve under the moonlight. She arrives to the familiar spot of metal tubing, where a dark shilloette comes into view. “Wow…how tragic.”

“Fuck you!” She smacks the dark-haired girl on the head, but just as swiftly, falls into her arms.

Chapter Text

“Kuze-san, please turn this way. Give us a nonchalant look please. Good, now please give us a coy smile. Nice! Now look at us like we are the dirt beneath your feet. Wonderful! All good.”

Shizuka steps off the platform, her previously expressive face becoming one of indifference. “Ok then, thanks. See you next time.” She offers a plain farewell to the staff as she grabs her things.

“Oh Kuze-san, just a moment.” The man who’d just been snapping the pictures approaches her. “Good work today, as always.” Shizuka nods but says nothing as she stares at him blankly. “Ah, a few of us are heading out to get some lunch. I was wondering if you might like to join us too?”

“Sorry Kendo-san, I already have other plans. I hope you all have fun though. Bye.” Shizuka turns him down directly without hesitation and walks away, leaving the man coldly rejected.

“Shot down once again, huh?” Another man walks up to him and makes this snide comment.

“Shut it Tanaka,” he replies to the man. “I just don’t understand that woman. She has a pretty face, but everything else about her is such a mystery. It feels like she has no interest in anything or anyone. She simply shows up here for work once a month, and then immediately leaves after.”

“Yes, but that just adds to her charm, don’t you think? A beautiful woman graces you with her presence every so often, stirs up your imagination on what she’s thinking since she gives nothing away, then disappears from your life once again, leaving you wanting to know more. It’s like she’s a seductress who doesn’t even realize she’s captured you…or perhaps…she does know?”

“Mhm, I see what you mean. It’s like she naturally pulls you in, making you feel special for even the smallest kind gesture, and you’re rewarded with a warm, fleeting smile. Suddenly, you feel you would do anything for her, even to your detriment.” He shivers. “Kuze-san is dangerous….”

~~~

“Oh, hello there Mr. Beetle, would you like to come home with me?” Shizuka crouches down to speak to a stray beetle she found on the sidewalk. She pulls a small clear container from her bag, carefully picks it up and places it in the container. “I think I’ll name you Soichiro-kun, alright?” She returns the container to her bag and stands, ignoring the strange looks passerbys give her.

“Alright, time to go shopping. I wonder if they have those sweet cakes she likes today?” Shizuka carries on with her day, which is already nearly over. Her daily routine is simple. Go shopping for groceries, pick up any dry cleaning, check out the cosmetics store for new products, browse the selection at the local gamestore and then head home to tend to the children. Children being the insects Shizuka has taken in over the years and cared for of course. It’s a hobby she picked up seriously once they moved to Tokyo. She’s loved insects since she was a child, but her mom never allowed them in the house. So she only observed from afar, but now they are her family.

As she walks, she passes by an animal shelter. Usually she avoids it, as it brings back precious memories of her beloved Chappy, who’s already passed on naturally. She remembers how she cried for a month, devastated by the loss. Chappy was her everything, but she didn’t break. If she had lost him as a child, while she was still alone with no one to love her, she’d have since killed herself. But she’s not alone anymore, and somehow she’s made it through. Only thanks to her.

She observes a small puppy through the glass. He looks like a Beagle and is so full of life. “I wonder what she’d say about getting a new puppy?” She ponders out loud but shakes her head. “No, she may have loved Chappy in the end, but she’s definitely not interested in raising a dog.”

“Kuze-san?” Shizuka turns in response to her name being called and her eyes settle on a man with black hair and thick glasses. He’s older now, but he’s still undeniably himself even now.

“Azuma-kun?” Shizuka turns to face him properly now. “Is that really you? You’re in Tokyo?”

“Yes, I’ve been here for almost a year now. Once I finished my university studies and got my MBA, I decided to move here in an effort to pave my own path. Junya is running the clinic and is happily busy with his family. He’s living his life his own way, even with his responsibilities, so I realized I needed to do that too. I’ve decided to start my own business, in game development.”

“Oh? So you’re chasing after your own legacy now, huh? That’s great Azuma-kun. Congrats.” She speaks with a monotone voice that feels impersonal, but he can tell she’s being genuine.”

“Thank you Kuze-san.” There’s a brief pause between them. “Um, so, how have you been Kuze-san? How’s Marina-chan? I was surprised to hear that you two left town together back then.”

“We’re good Azuma-kun. Marina has the same terrible personality as always and is always nagging me about everything. She’s still got that temper too, always yelling and shoving me.”

Azuma’s face twists with confusion hearing her describe the dynamic between the two. “Kuze-san, are you sure everything is really alright? Marina did many terrible things to you. Frankly, I’d never have expected you could become friends, let alone….” He drifts off the thought. “Um, anyway, what I mean to say is, if you ever need anything, I’m here, so I can give you my num-.”

“Azuma-kun.” He looks up and is instantly shell-shocked by the intensity of Shizuka’s eyes that stare him down. With a dark, hollow expression, Shizuka says, “I have Marina, so I don’t need anyone else. Marina is perfect just the way she is. Please don’t make her out to be a villain, ok?”

Azuma feels a shiver run down his spine, and he suddenly recalls the feeling he felt once back then. An instinctual feeling that he should keep his distance from Kuze-san. He’s reminded of the likely reasons why. He’s always liked Kuze-san, but he can’t help but think that his life would’ve taken a turn for the worse should he have gotten involved with her. So he should heed that now.

“Right…my apologies Kuze-san.” He awkwardly rubs his head. “Well, it was nice seeing you again Kuze-san, but I should get going. I’m meeting with my investors regarding my business.”

Shizuka’s expression returns to her natural one and her eyes once again have color. “Ok Azuma-kun, it was nice to see you again too. I’ll tell Marina you said hi. Good luck with your business.”

“Mhm.” He walks past her and with one final wave says, “Please take care Kuze-san. Bye, bye.”

She offers a wave in return and with a slight smile replies, “Be well Azuma-kun. Bye, bye.” She turns briefly back to the window and sees the puppy looking back at her now, warily. She smiles a bit wider and waves at it. “I need to go now little one, so bye, bye to you too, Puppy-san.” She continues on her way, making one last unscheduled stop before going to the grocery store.

~~~

Shizuka ascends the stairs with several bags and manages to make it to her door. “Safe.” She digs into her pants pockets for the keys, and as she’s sliding it in to unlock the door, she hears Marina’s voice in the distance. She turns her head towards the sound and catches sight of her several doors down, speaking with a man just outside of it. She speaks lowly, and he bends down slightly, his mouth sitting dangerously close to her face. Shizuka’s expression darkens, but she doesn’t interrupt them. Everything in her wants to know who he is and what they’re discussing, but she knows Marina will be quite furious with her if she misunderstands and makes a scene.

“Ok, in we go then,” she says as she carries the bags over the threshold and inside before locking the door. She places the bags on counter and then walks over to a large glass tank. Inside is an expansive insect habitat, where all kinds of creepy crawlies reside. She takes the container from her bag and grabs the beetle from inside. She opens the top cover of the tank and carefully places him inside. She closes the lid and then observes him for a while. After a minute, he finally crawls along and finds a spot to make himself at home. Shizuka smiles. “Welcome home Soichiro-kun.”

Shizuka hears the sound of a key entering the lock in the door, and she immediately turns her attention to it. Moments later, Marina enters the apartment, placing her briefcase down as she shuts the door. “Shizuka, I’m home.” She slides off her shoes and slips on her slippers. “Shizu?”

“Welcome home, Marina.” Shizuka is waiting patiently, like a dog, for her master’s attention.

“Eww, could you look any more desperate?” She acts disgusted but secretly loves it. She takes note of the bags on the counter. “Oh good, you’ve already done the shopping. I’ll start on dinner soon. Just give me a few minutes to organize some paperwork.” Shizuka nods and calmly waits.

A couple hours later, after dinner has been enjoyed and the dishes washed, the two sit on the sofa together watching some show. Marina sits between Shizuka’s legs, while her arms are wrapped around Marina’s shoulders. They’ve been like this since they sat there, and Shizuka hasn’t let go even once. “Aw, come on Shizuka, why are you acting so clingy all of a sudden, huh? Quit it.” She protests, yet neither makes a move to change their position. She sighs and then finally asks, “Ok, so will you tell me what’s wrong already? You’re an idiot so let me just ask you directly.”

Shizuka’s expression is dark, and she leans into Marina’s back as she murmurs, “Marina, who was that man you were speaking to earlier? You seemed kind of close. Do you know him well?”

“Oh, that’s what this is about?” Marina huffs in annoyance. “Do I have to tell you about every person I ever meet? He was giving me information on someone for work. I have a case where a child is getting abused by his aunt and he knows her. Did you forget I’m a child social worker now or what? Anyway, why are you always so paranoid? Do you think I’m going to leave you or something?” She feels a nod against her neck. “You really are an idiot Shizuka.” However, she says this with a softer tone than before. “I wouldn’t ever do that doofus. I’m not like your lame, deadbeat parents who never cared about you. I’ll never leave you alone dummy. Not even if you wanted me to.” She places her hand against Shizuka’s arm and rubs it. “I’ll always be yours.”

“Prove it then.” Shizuka finally speaks, her voice cracking slightly from her suppressed tears.

“Huh? How do you expect me to do that exactly? Do you want me to sign a contract in blood?”

“Do you think that would work?” Humor returns to her voice as she gets a bonk on the head.

“Ugh, you’re so annoying and lame! Seriously, you can get off of me now.” Marina finally shakes herself from Shizuka’s grip. “I think I've spoiled you enough today. So you can just-.”

“We can’t sign any contracts in blood, or even in ink just yet, but we can in our hearts.” The room falls silent and in the now darkened room, there’s a small glimmer of light. Shizuka has once again wrapped her arm around Marina, but this time only one, and with an upright palm. In the middle of that palm sits a small box, which holds a pair of ring bands with tiny diamonds.

Marina’s breath catches in her throat. “Shizuka…are these…are you asking me to…for real?”

“Marina, no one ever cared about me, and I was always alone. Chappy was all I had to cling to, and if he’d ever gone away, I would’ve killed myself for sure. I bet no one would’ve even cared. No one really saw me or paid me any attention. I was nothing, so I might as well have done it. But you saw me. Even though you hated me and gave me hell for the sins of our parents, it was still a comfort in a way. Because even when you hurt me, it proved you perceived me. You saw me for who I was, even if it was in a bad way. However, I was so happy that we could properly talk and understand each other. It turned out we weren’t so different after all, now we’re here.”

“But the way I treated you was still wrong Shizuka. I was cruel to you. Don’t praise me for it.”

“You’re right, I understand it was wrong, but if it was the price I had to pay to have you like I do now, then I’d take it over and over again. No matter where we started, this is where we are now, and I’m so happy that I don’t want to die anymore. You are the one who made this possible for me Marina. It’s always been you, and it will only ever be you that I want to spend my life with. You asked me why I took modeling jobs only once a month, it was to save for our future. You work so hard to support us, and I feel like I don’t do enough in return since I can’t work a regular job. My only asset is my face, so I decided to put it to use to help support us and to buy this.”

“Shizuka…I told you not to worry about that, didn’t I? An idiot only needs to think about stupid things. Leave the planning to me. You’re a fool, but that’s the you I love. So don’t change, ok?” She nods. There’s silence again then Marina says, “Well, are you putting it on my finger or not?”

“Yes dear,” Shizuka responds as she slides the ring on Marina’s finger. Marina then slides the other on to Shizuka’s finger. “Let’s take care of each other Marina.” Marina blushes, and then angles her head up, impatiently waiting for a kiss. Shizuka leans down and their lips connect.

I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU. I FEEL YOU. I NEED YOU. I WANT YOU. I LOVE YOU.

These are the words that escape their hearts and carry them on through their steamy night.

Chapter Text

“I don’t think I can do this. Let’s come back another day, ok?” Shizuka gets up from her chair, ready to bolt, but Marina snags her arm and pulls her back into the seat before she can escape.

“Sit your ass down and be quiet!” She yells, but in a hushed voice only Shizuka can hear.

“Ah, language Marina. Didn’t we agree that we’d be more mindful of that now? Dr. Jin will be very disappointed in us. Even though it was your idea for us to get therapy together, ‘to heal.’”

“Yes, it was my idea, and I stand by it. We both experienced too much trauma as children, and without proper parental guidance, we became dysfunctional adults. Even if we made it work for us and love each other regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that we have scars that need to heal.”

“If you say so Marina.” Shizuka resigns herself to Marina’s words. “In any case, do you really think we’ve healed enough to be doing this? Dr. Jin cleared us, but will the agency support it?”

“I don’t know.” In a rare admission of defeat, Marina answers simply. “I really don’t have any idea Shizuka, but I know that we have to try. This is my dream, and I want to take it seriously.”

Shizuka almost let’s a joke slide off her tongue, but in honor of Marina’s rare sincerity, she decides it’s not the time. So instead, she shifts the topic to one a little less worrying. “So, have you spoken to your mother lately?” She can feel Marina tense beside her. “Does she know?”

Marina looks annoyed. She wants smack her head for even bringing it up, but she knows that’s no way to deal with her anxiety or frustrations. So she replies calmly. “I talked to her last week. It didn’t go well, as usual. She’s alive and hasn’t gone completely mad so far. The neighbors check up on her often, so she’s eating and probably taking her meds consistently. However, when I call, she acts like she doesn’t know me. She ended our call even more hostile than she is normally. She said she has no daughter, that she died many years ago, so not to ever call again.”

“Damn….” Even Shizuka can’t make an insensitive joke after hearing something like that. “I’m sorry Marina. After all you did for her, after all the years you gave up for her, that’s fucked up.”

Marina smacks her hand. “Language!” Shizuka grins in response, making the moment lighter for a moment, before the gloom returns. “Thanks Shizu. I guess even you can be tactful sometimes.”

“Well, I can’t be a bad influence, can I? We can’t have anymore Kuze Shizuka’s in the world.”

Marina laughs. “Sure we can.” Marina takes her hand. “Just not one quite as demented, please.” The women share a laugh, further lightening up the mood and quelling their anxiety a little more.

Marina turns to Shizuka and says, “Well, it wasn’t all bad I guess. My Papa gave his support.”

“Hm? That’s interesting.” Shizuka sounds skeptical and Marina takes notice. “I’m glad he did.”

“What? Why do you seem like you don’t believe it?” Marina suddenly has a thought. “Wait, how did telling your parents go? I didn’t ask Papa about your mom, since I felt you should tell her.”

“Yeah, I told her. She laughed hysterically, like it was the most ridiculous joke I ever told. When she finally realized I was serious, she told me I was in over my head and that it wasn’t as easy as I may think. She said I might resent her for how she ‘raised’ me, but I would soon understand.”

“Is that why you’re having doubts now? Did you let that useless woman you call mother get in your head Shizu?” She can feel Shizuka’s hand tense in hers, so she holds it tighter and speaks in a softer tone. “You can’t make people love you Shizu. They either do or they don’t. You can’t control how others feel about you either. Your mother is a weak woman; she always has been. She looks to others to support her and has no courage to make decisions she actually wants.”

“She’s a coward. Same as me, right? I always try to run away from my problems when it gets too hard and I always look for others to save me from my misery. I did it with Azuma-kun, and I nearly ruined his life. He wanted to save me, and I tried to take advantage of that. I’m glad he decided to keep his distance. He’s better for it now. I clung to Chappy too; made him my lifeline. Now here we are today, and I’m clinging to you. Of course I love you and you love me, but you are my lifeline now Marina. You are what keeps me living in this world, and I hate that I put that pressure on you. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay with me, should you ever stop wanting to.”

Marina sighs. “Jeez, you really are an idiot Shizuka. Do you think I would ever stay anywhere out of obligation? Do you think I stayed with my Mama all those years because of some feeling of obligation?” Shizuka looks at her with a confused expression that seems to say, ‘didn’t you?’. “No, the truth is, I was scared too. I was afraid to take that step and face the world on my own. Things with Mama were hard, but they were safe too, in a way. She hurt me sometimes, but we had good days too, and I learned now to navigate life with her. I knew what to expect with her.”

“So, you also were running away? In your own way, you were a coward for staying behind?”

“Rather than running away, I’d say I was hiding out. If I avoided stepping into the world and stayed in my safe house, then the dangers of the world couldn’t touch me. I chose to tremble in fear and starve myself, rather than seek out help and nourish my soul. Thus, I was a coward too.”

Shizuka takes a moment to contemplate having heard Marina’s confession and finally realizes something important. “I guess, being a coward is normal sometimes, but the path to change is only reached by being brave. So even though we may be scared, if we’re brave enough to face the situation and try our best, then even cowards can live a fulfilling life if they choose to.”

Marina smiles. “Looks like someone is starting to use their brains for a change.” She laughs. “Most important of all, even the bravest people need the help of others sometimes. If we face the challenges together, then there’s nothing we can’t achieve. That’s what we’re doing now Shizu. We’re facing our new challenge together. So if we stay strong and unified, we’ll surely succeed.”

Shizuka places her hand on Marina’s now and strokes it gently. “Thank you Mari. I love you.” Shizuka leans over and gives her a sly peck on the lips, causing Marina to turn red as a beet.

“What are you doing?! Don’t do that here!” Marina sinks down in the chair. “You dummy!” She looks around nervously, certain all eyes must be on them, but the room remains unchanged.

“You worry too much about what others think Marina.” Shizuka has the final word on that.

They fall silent for a while, until Marina finally asks, “Well, what did your father say about it?”

“He didn’t even answer the phone.” Shizuka speaks matter of factly. “It seems he’s truly moved on with his life without another thought of me. I kind of knew it when I asked my mom to reach out to him for a visit, and he apparently told her he’d have to find the right time. That time never came. I reached out directly when I turned 18, but he told me it may be best if we both moved on with our lives.” She pauses for a moment. “I was able to speak to my sisters a few times though, and it seems they’re doing well. That’s enough for me. I don’t even long for him anymore.”

“If you’ve made peace with it, then that’s enough for me too.” Marina leaves it at that for now.

The time seems to pass so slowly, and it’s already been over an hour since they arrived there. The journey they’ve had to reach this point was a long and tumultuous one. They’ve had to do much soul searching and extensive therapy to reach this point. Today they get their results.

“Kirarazaka Marina and Kuze Shizuka?” Like a ray of light, they are called forward and stand. “Please, follow me. Your processor is ready to see you now.” An administrator beckons them forward and encourages them to follow her. The two quickly make their way over to her and follow her into a room. It looks like a standard office but has a warmer feel than most. Behind the desk sits a woman they’ve met a few times before, but she seems strangely more serious than any time she has before. Marina’s anxiety grows as they sit, but Shizuka takes her hand in hers.

The woman reviews the file in front of her silently, saying nothing to the women just yet, and they don’t rush her. After the longest minute, she finally sets the file down and looks up at them. “I know you have worked very hard to get here and reach this point. These two years have been a journey for us all, and having watched that journey first-hand, I must say, you both should be very proud of how far you’ve come. Your individual and combined stories have been a new experience for me, I must admit. Frankly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to take on a case like yours, but when I thought about how brave you two must have been, I realized I needed some courage too.”

“So? What’s the verdict?” Shizuka asks at last, slowly losing patience. “Thank you for your kind words, but they aren’t what we’re looking to hear. We’ve already waited so long, so just say it.”

“Shizuka!” Marina softly scolds her. “I’m sorry Mrs. Ogata; it’s just been a long day for us.”

She shakes her head. “Please, don’t apologize. I understand your frustrations and impatience.” She closes the file and stands. “So, I won’t keep you waiting a minute longer.” She opens the door and speaks to someone outside. “Please Miss Lin, if you would. They’re ready for him.”

Marina looks at Shizuka with widening eyes, and she looks back at her with a wide grin. Miss Lin enters the room, and Mrs. Ogata steps aside to let her pass. She’s holding a carrier in her hand. She walks right up to the pair and sets it securely on the desk. Inside it, a baby rests.

“Marina-san, Shizuka-san, I’m pleased to confirm your application was approved, and this baby is your son from today. You can take him home right now. All that’s left is to give him a name.”

Marina gently slaps Shizuka’s shoulder. “Oh my goodness, look at him Shizu, look at him!”

“I see him Mari, I see him.” She says happily. “Look at his pinkish skin and black eyes.”

“Oh and his thick curls! They look like tiny sausages. They kind of remind me of…oh, I’m not exactly sure. But I think I know the perfect name! But it’s a bit strange. You think it’ll be ok?”

“Yeah…I think I get it Mari. I can’t explain it, but it feels nostalgic. I think it’s perfect.”

“So, have you decided on his name? Miss Lin is ready to write it down in his records now.”

Shizuka and Marina look at each other with glee and say, “To Us, it surely has to be…Takopi!”

Chapter Text

“Tako…pi?” A young man tilts his head, trying to make sense of the name just given to him by his new roommate. “That’s quite the interesting name. I’ve never seen it in Japanese records.”

Another young man laughs, the all too familiar line never losing its charm. “Ah, I get that a lot.”

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s super cool! Just new to me. I love it though; learning of new cultures.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. You did mention you’re going to be studying Anthropology, right?”

“Yup, that’s the plan! One day, you’re going to see the name Treyvon Bernard Johnson all over the elite journals of Anthropology and the great halls for all my significant cultural discoveries!”

Takopi watches as the tan man enthusiastically punches the air with his arms and boasts proudly. “I must say, I’ve never met anyone quite like you either Treyvon. Let us get along well, alright?”

“Of course, you’ve got it brother!” He notices Takopi’s raised hand, but rather than offering up his to complete the handshake, he grabs his hand in his grip and firmly pulls him forward. “I know it’s customary in your culture, but let’s skip all that stiff formal stuff. This is how we’ll greet each other from now on, alright?” Takopi’s briefly caught off guard but nods affirmatively.

“Sure, that’s cool. I look forward to cohabitating Treyvon. This will be my first experience.”

“Please, call me Trey. But for real? You’ve never had a roommate before? You got siblings?”

“It’s true! I’ve never shared a room in my life. I’m an only child, but I really wanted a sibling.”

“Eh, they’re overrated in my opinion. I have three sisters and two brothers. One brother is older than me, but the rest are all younger. They almost drove me crazy! I guess I love them though.”

That sounds scary ha ha, but also like a lot of fun. I didn’t fit in very well, so I always thought  it’d be nice to have a sibling so I would feel less lonely. My parents supported me a lot though.”

“I know how that is. I didn’t have many friends either growing up, not for lack of trying. I grew up in a pretty affluent area, so you might imagine…well, maybe not actually, but I stood out. I didn’t let me get it down though, and made some good friends in time. But anyway, why didn’t your parents have more kids? Did they not want them? I get the feeling you asked for it a lot.”

“I think my parents got sick of me asking eventually. My mama did try convincing mother, but she’d always tell us that she had her hands full enough with her hopeless idiot and her parasite.”

“No way, tell me she wasn’t talking about you two?” He nods. “Was your relationship like, ok?”

“Hm?” Takopi tilts his head this time, confused by what he means. “Of course. Why’d you ask?”

“I mean your mom was referring to you and your mama wasn’t she? Saying that seems…harsh.”

“Oh, that’s what you meant. I understand why you may think so, but I promise we got along very well. Mother was always saying stuff like that, but it was just her way of being affectionate. Well now that you mention it though, I never heard the other kids’ parents talking to them that way.” He takes a moment to contemplate. “Still, I have no doubt my mother loves us both very much.”

“Well, if you’re cool with it, then so am I. I thought my childhood was interesting, but you have me beat. My parents were excessively polite and proper…we had no choice but to be I guess.”

“Why’s that? Is it because you lived in a wealthy area? I bet everyone there was similar, right?”

“Not exactly. It was more of a…survival tactic. I don’t know how things were in your city, but even here in the big NYC, there’s a divide between people who look like me and the others.”

After a moment of reflection, it finally clicks for Takopi. “Oh, is it because you’re Black?”

“Wow, straight to the point huh?” He laughs. “Well, I guess I don’t need to tip toe around it then. Yeah, it’s because of that simple thing that my family had to ‘act’; to prove we were not like what they believed us to be. I always found it ridiculous, but my parents wanted us to have the opportunities they couldn’t. They wanted us to achieve success without the struggles they had to endure. They worked themselves to the bone to get us there. So they played the part well. I hate they had to do it, but now here I am with a full ride scholarship at NYU. So I’m very grateful.”

“It makes me sad to hear that even today there’s still controversies like that. I don’t understand.”

“Yeah, I bet. If I’m correct, Japan is a fairly homogeneous country, right? Racism isn’t a thing.”

“It’s true that we have a uniform culture, but I wouldn’t say racism doesn’t exist for us. There’s many mixed families in modern times, and there can be moments like that for some. Even though I’m not mixed, because of my unique looks, people thought I was. Mainly from my thick curls. There’s also the matter of my parents being two women. That’s still a taboo topic to this day.”

“Yeah, I caught that when your mentioned your mama and mother. I guess some things are the same then. You may have had a different experience than me, but I bet it wasn’t always easy.”

“My mama would often say, ‘people look down on bugs like they’re gross and a nuisance, but what they really see is a reflection of themselves. They can’t handle it and so they crush them. In a world filled with hypocritical humans, be like the bugs existing earnestly as themselves’. I used to think she meant to literally be a bug, but one day I understood what she was saying. I should live authentically as myself. Don’t try to be what I’m not, or look down on others living freely.”

“Wow, your mama seems like a deep woman. She must be very wise and insightful about life.”

“Not at all.” Takopi speaks bluntly without hesitation. “She is a very simple woman. She is a bug-obsessed misanthrope who prefers to keep to herself whenever possible. She doesn’t think too hard about things and does whatever she feels like doing without concern for what others may think. She’s easily satisfied by mother’s praise and affection, and loves playing with me.”

“Oh, ok. Well, then if she’s the cynical one, does that mean your mother is the kind and sweet one? Is she the type to dote on you two and spoil you with love and attention all the time?”

“Absolutely not.” Takopi speaks with even more sharpness. “Mother is a very cutthroat and a no-nonsense kind of woman. She’s moody, hates loud noises, despises having to repeat herself, is strict, and has such high expectations that she’d scold me if I missed even one day of school. I could’ve been too sick to even stand, but she’d still tell me to push through it. She’d always say, ‘when I was a child I was often beaten to the point of being unable to stand on my feet. I was held down and not given a choice. I couldn’t become free until I made up my mind to do it. Only you can decide if it’s worth it. So I won’t force you. Your worth is for you to decide, not me.’ I bet it sounds brutal right? But somehow, I found the strength to stand up every time. I chose to.”

“Wow, your mother sounds like a total boss to be real. Your mama seems cool too. I think you’re probably pretty close to them, huh? Like, they may have had an unconventional parenting style, but they don’t come across as malicious. You don’t speak with bitterness or anger. It’s so warm.”

“My parents didn’t spoil me, nor did they shower me with excess love. For a long time, I didn’t understand them. They frankly had bad personalities, had brutal verbal fights when they thought I couldn’t hear, and many bad habits. Many people said they should not have become parents.”

“Interesting. You seem very well-adjusted to me though. I doubt they were so bad, right?”

“I don’t think I can say, as it was always normal for me. I don’t know if they were good or bad parents. However, I do know that mother’s meals were always tasty, and filled with all my favorite things. She was tough, but never made homework time feel like a chore. She strictly regulated how much time I could spend watching anime or playing games, but I can’t recall ever missing my favorite shows or losing my seasonal ranks. Mama would talk for hours about the thousands of different insect species, but I never felt bored. She would take me to the pet store, and even though she always refused buying one, I never left without petting every single puppy. She loathed making small talk with the other moms at the park and the dads at the sports field, but she pushed me to play with the other kids, and cheered louder than anyone at my games. I don’t know if that was a normal childhood, but I can’t say there were days I was truly unhappy.”

“Alright, I get it. Your parents are pretty dope. I respect it. All in all, I can’t complain about mine either.” He stands up from the chair he’d been sitting in. “I guess we should probably start to get these boxes unpacked, huh? I can’t believe we’ve been talking for hours. It felt like no time at all.” He stretches in preparation. “Alright, let’s get this done, and then order some pizza.”

“Yes, that sounds like a plan. Let’s make this dorm into our own, and feel like a home, Trey.”

The young men work tirelessly to transform the room, and a couple hours later, they finish. “I must say, we did a damn good job Takopi.” Trey pats Takopi on the back. “We earned that cheesy goodness.” He looks around. “Oh right, the menus are in the common room. I’ll go grab one. Be back in a few!” Trey hurries out the door, compelled by the promise of a hot, meaty pie.

Takopi smiles as he sits at the edge of his bed, and pulls out an envelope from his small bag. He runs his finger across the black letters which read, ‘To Takopi’. He opens it, and reads it quietly.

Dear Takopi, there’s so much we want to tell you; many things you deserve to know. Things that may help you understand why we are as we are. But as we sit together writing this letter, we’ve realized it doesn’t matter after all. Our past doesn’t need to become part of your future, and you don’t owe us any understanding. We decided long ago that we would no longer cling to the past, and would only look towards the future. However, our future was unclear, and as we went along, we didn’t know what it was anymore. Then…we found you. Suddenly the path forward was clear. You’re our future Takopi and our precious treasure. We love you dearly. Be well. -Mom + Mama

“Alright, I got it! Now let’s decide-.” Trey starts, but quickly falls silent upon seeing Takopi’s tears. “Hey brother, you good? If you need some time alone, I can leave. It’s no problem bro.”

Takopi looks up at him and smiles wide up to his eyes. “No, I’m actually quite happy right now.”

Trey doesn’t understand it exactly, but now he feels much happier too. “Hey by the way, what’re you going to be studying? You came a long way from home, so it must be for something big.”

Takopi returns the letter to its envelope and then stands. He gently places it on his desk, then turns to face Trey once again. “No, it’s not special, and I didn’t need to come across the ocean to do it. In fact, I haven’t even selected a major yet. I enrolled undecided and on a temporary visa.”

“Really? So you studied so hard to get admitted, and had to pay for your tuition in full without knowing if you’ll even be allowed to stay the full time? What’s your goal? What do you want?”

“To make people happy.” Silence falls over the room. “My goal is to spread happiness around the world however I can. That’s what I want. The destination isn’t my goal, but the journey.”

“To make people happy?” Trey is reasonably confused, but doesn’t belittle the notion. “Well, that’s a rather ambitious goal Takopi. There’s a lot of people in this world, and what makes each one happy is subjective. Happiness isn’t something you can give with tools or gadgets. You have to deeply touch people’s hearts. Do you really think you’ll be able to achieve that universally?”

“I don’t know, but I won’t know until I try. If I do nothing at all, then nothing will happen, yes?”

“True…but there’s no guarantee you’ll succeed or if your efforts will even be appreciated. Even if you have good intentions, things still don’t work out. They may even become worse in fact.”

“You’re right, that could happen. But if it doesn't work the first time, then I’ll just have to try again. My parents have taught me this; only by getting to know each other, can friendship grow.”

“I mean yeah, that makes sense. Of course you need to know more about someone to become friends. But I guess I still don’t understand your motivation. Why go through the trouble for someone you don’t know? What if they reject your advances? What will you do then Takopi?”

“Well…in that case…I’d just talk to them more. Just as I’ve been talking to you all this time, and now we’re friends, aren’t we?” Trey is silent, realizing his logic is sound. “There’s another thing my parents taught me; words they’d always say. They are…Happiness is born through talking.”