Chapter Text
"Uhm, Till?" Schneider nudged the singer's shoulder to get his attention.
Till leaned in to hear his drummer over the party's din.
Schneider pointed his finger as discreetly as he could. "I think our guitarists are necking."
Across the clusters of people, tables and clouds of smoke were, in fact, the band's two guitarists unmistakably making out. It looked passionate and intimate all at once, and it did shock Till but he kept his usual unreadable expression.
Flake came practically jogging towards Till and Schneider, a beer in his grip and his head down. He moved with purpose and Till felt like he was about to deliver the worst news of his life. Either that, or Flake really had to use the bathroom.
"Till," the keyboarder said with the flatest tone, but the strong grip on the singers wrist and the close proximity let Till know whatever he was about to say was serious. He knew Flake didn't like to make scenes.
"Flake," Till finally said. "Just say it already."
Till's eyes looked up to meet his keyboarder. The man's glasses already magnified his eyes but they were huge with concern.
"Paul and Richard are kissing."
***
I'm gonna do it. Enough is enough, Richard thought.
All night after the show, Richard tried to keep his profile low at the after party. He tried to keep to corners and edges of the room, all so he could stare at Paul and work up his courage. Tonight was going to be the night, he knew that. He'd been wanting it for too long, dreaming about it, waking up with erections that his hands could never satisfy.
The low profile angle, however, didn't work. Being the so-called "lead" guitar player and having insanely spiked out black hair didn't play in his favor. He stood out, whether he wanted to or not.
Women drunk with lust would hang on his shoulder and slur sweet nothings into his ear until he eventually shrugged them off. Some magazine guy wanted to ask a few questions and Richard nodded towards Till, suggesting he ask him. He just wasn't in the mood. He had only one thing in his mind tonight.
I'm gonna tell him how I feel. If I don't, it'll eat me alive.
Meanwhile Paul was everywhere, as per usual, chatting up anyone and everyone. Smiling and laughing and mingling, getting along easily with anyone he talked to. Richard was slightly jealous of that... or maybe he was jealous of the people who had Paul's attention...
He was dressed in a tight black tank-top and baggy grey jeans that had a chain hanging off the belt loops. Paul's freckled shoulders were exposed and his slim but muscley arms flailed about as he spoke. His wore his natural brown hair color these days, short at the back and sides and trimmed in a neat line at his forehead. It was weird as hell, but he rocked it which made Richard all the more addicted into his irresistible persona. To make things even more weird, Paul shaved the edges of his eyebrows but Richard would be liar if he said it didn't make Paul look incredibly hot. Maybe it was his courage that attracted Richard to him, or the way Paul just didn't give a fuck about what people thought about him. Richard could only dream...
And then there was his smile. Fuck, that little shit's smile could undo Richard at any moment of any day. Just this last week, Richard's guitar tech actually quit on him because he was so angry at him for messing with his sound. He had everything how he liked it and this guy thinks his way sounded better? Oh hell no. Richard wasn't having it, and they'd had a screaming match after the show. After the tech announced loudly that he quit, Richard stood alone and simmering in anger. It was Paul's big dumb smile that snapped him out of his fury, even though at the time Paul was apologizing to the stage crew for the "ugly scene." Richard felt awful for that...
Suddenly, though, Paul and Richard locked eyes from across the room. It looked like Paul was finishing a sentence with the people he was with, and when his eyes met Richard's, Paul's lips turned up into that big, irresistibly dumb grin.
Richard managed to twitch just one side of his mouth in what maybe resembled a smile... probably not, though. Withdrawing from everyone had sort of put Richard in a sour mood, and did absolutely nothing to work up his courage to talk to Paul tonight.
So alone he sat on an uncomfortable barstool, a warm, untouched beer on the table in front of him and a full ashtray.
Why am I so fucking stupid? Why did I think being alone with my thoughts would be a good idea? I'm so shit at this. Why can't I just-
"What's the matter, pretty boy?" came Paul's voice, light and teasing. "Did some drunk chick ditch you?"
He pulled up a barstool and sat next to Richard, facing him, elbow on the table and resting his chin in his palm. Richard dared a sideways glance and his heart just about fell to his ass when he saw those shining, dark blue eyes.
Richard opened his mouth to speak but all of his thoughts tried tumbling out at once, leaving him a stuttering fool in front of his crush.
"I- I just- I wanted to- I can't- " he sighed, rubbing at his eyes in frustration, smudging the eyeliner around them. When he saw the black on his fingers from his makeup, he cursed.
Paul chuckled. "It looks fine. You didn't mess anything up. Besides, I kinda like it when it's all smudged."
Richard rubbed at the makeup on his fingers, his nerves just about breaking his resolve. His brain just wouldn't shut up now, calling himself all sorts of names. He felt like a coward.
"Mm, here," Paul said, licking his thumb and reaching out to fix Richard's cheek where the eyeliner had smudged. His moody friend flinched backwards though, and Paul's heart dropped. He'd never seen Richard flinch. He knew his childhood was rough; knew about his stepdad and his mom hitting him, but he'd never had flinched before.
Paul slowly put his hand down and placed it on top of Richard's fumbling fingers. The black-haired guitarist stopped anxiously fiddling and drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes.
"Sorry."
"For what?"
"I don't even know. I just.. can't seem to think straight today."
"Mhm," Paul hummed in reply. "Seems like you've been having a rough go of it lately."
Richard thought back at the last couple weeks for a moment. The guitar tech incident, the withdrawing, the seemingly always sour mood... Maybe he was just having a hard time. He always felt absolutely alone...
Paul squeezed Richard's hands, helping him out of his spiraling thoughts.
"We're all here, you know," he started. "You can come talk to any of us if you need to. Or ya know, we can just sit in silence if that's what you need."
Richard shook his head automatically. He never could put his feelings into words easily. That's what music was for.
"Paul? I-" Richard's voice began speaking before his stupid brain could stop it. "I think I need... I just want to..."
Drawing in a deep breath, Richard forced the thought out. "I want to be with you. Like, more than friends. I- I've felt like this for a while and I've never had the guts to tell you because I'm a fucking idiot, and-"
Paul's hands gripped both sides of Richard's face and pulled him in for a warm kiss, the taste of beer and cigarettes between them. Richard inhaled and could smell the familiar scent of Paul- his deodorant, laundry detergent and something that was innately him.
When they separated, Paul's hands stayed where they were. His shining dark blue eyes were dancing, sparkling and warm, sayings things that speaking couldn't. It dawned on Richard then, that maybe Paul had felt the same way.
That beautiful grin grew on Paul's face and he touched foreheads with Richard.
"You big dummy," Paul said.
Richard tried to smile despite his nerves. "You mean you like me-"
Before he could finish the question, Paul kissed him again. This time, deeper. Paul let his lips fall open slightly, nipping Richard's bottom lip with his teeth. The black-haired guitarist answered eagerly, opening his mouth so their tongues could meet fully.
A warm feeling blossomed in Richard's chest and he was suddenly very aware of Paul's hands finding their way down the back of his neck and then underneath the collar of his shirt. The touch sent a shiver through him. He was also aware that they were doing this in a crowded room, with their band mates and strangers all able to see the spectacle. But Richard didn't dare tear away from this kiss though. He'd waited a long time for this moment, and he'd be damned if he ruined it with thoughts.
**