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She's pretty sure she knows what's coming, when she opens her door at night and finds Kinger standing there, wringing his hands together.
She had snuck out of bed, tangled by the wall with Pomni by her side and Daisy curled on the floor with her blanket and pillow, stepping around her and heading to the door, as the knocking against the wood got louder. It's her room, her door, only she can hear the noise, a feature added by Caine a few months ago to ensure people knew when they were being called on at their room, even when away.
She peeked out, still half asleep, and blinked heavily up at Kinger, who gave her a squinty-eye's smile, the glasses Caine made for him firmly pressed over his eyes. Lucid Kinger, an ongoing scene for them now. Shortly after Red and Able had fused together again, Caine had pressed the glasses into Kinger's hand. Called them a gift from Red and Able. Well, mostly from Red.
"Ragatha, do you mind coming with me? Someone wants to see you." Kinger asked, holding a disembodied hand out to her, and she doesn't want to get her hopes up about what this is. It could be anything.
Maybe Caine wants her input on a new Adventure. Him and Kinger had been working on them together more frequently than not now-a-days. Maybe she can get that horseback riding date she's been craving.
It doesn't have to be fusion.
She slips a hand into Kinger's and quietly closes the door behind her, careful to not let the hinges squeak. The last thing she wants is more of an audience for this.
She follows him in silence, taking in the pretty lights that Caine had strung up in their hallway. They looked like paper lanterns, something Gangle mentioned wanting a while ago, that she'd put in the suggestion box.
Caine was really zoning in on that box. He'd been working on a dress up area for them, so they could change into previous adventures clothes on a whim. She really wanted to pull out the Noir dress from the Quick-time adventures.
They entered the main room and Ragatha sent Caine a smile, where he was sat on the sofa. He looked nervous, twisting his cane in his hands, his back teeth grinding together. She really needed to help him break that habit.
She let go of Kinger's hand and took a step forward, mouth already open to remind him, when he stood, or rather, jumped, up. He settled on his two feet, leaning on his cane, fingers tight around the bulb of it.
He's been doing that more and more often. Standing and walking rather than floating. She's happy for it, it makes him seem much more approachable, more similar to them, rather than a thing that hovered above their heads.
She shouldn't call him a thing. He's not a thing.
He takes a few steps forward, leaning heavily on the cane. Kinger doesn't know why he does that, apparently there's something in his code, manipulating around his left leg. Makes him unsteady on his feet. Which explains why he would fly so often.
It's sweet, that he's making the effort to try and walk with them. Her hands twitch, wanting to help, but he's asked her before not too. He was polite about it too, calmly explaining that unless he fell, he didn't want assistance unless he asked.
He gives her a bright smile, his eyes partially obscured. Kinger's hand rests on her lower back and nudges her forward, as he walks around them both, settling on the sofa himself.
Ragatha took in a deep breath, moving forward to meet Caine halfway there. He looked up at her, jaws wide enough that she could see his eyes. Oh, he's expanded his own models features. He has purple eyelids now, and thick eyelashes to go with them. That's sweet.
"Ragatha. Thank you for being so…patient. With me." He says, his voice stuttering slightly, almost as if glitching, and oh it is fusion. Her hands reach out and she rests them on Caine's shoulders.
"You- you don't have to thank me! I said it before, I'd wait forever if that's what you needed." She states, firm because she needs to be. She can't let him push himself like this.
He shakes his head, looking up at her, eyes half lidded while his teeth curve into a familiar smile. "I wanted to. You were kind, you told me what was happening. You met…" he pauses, and it's so clear that his RingMaster persona is on hold for the minute.
"You met them, and you were kind. Not many are kind." His hands twitch around the bulb of his cane, and he looks down, upper jaw obscuring his eyes. She breathes in deep, cups a hand over his lower jaw, and directs his face up.
"It's not easy, to be kind. But I like being this way." She tells him, and it's true. It would be so easy to be like Daisy, or Zooble. To be rude, mean, snarky.
Niceness gets results. It gets her friends. It's a familiarity she knows all too well. Caine looks at her, and his eyes are slightly damp.
"Ragatha, would you like to fuse with me?" He asks, voice clear, and she smiles. She rests her forehead against the top part of his jaw, and huffs a laugh.
"Of course." She whispers, and leans back, pulling him close. He floats up, cane left standing upright, until they match, head to head, and loops his arms around her shoulders. She wraps her own around his waist.
Together, they sway. Slow, steady circles, with no care for speed. It's nice, to just dance with someone. He hums a low tone under his breath, something she doesn't know.
The light is slow, building. She doesn't realize it's there, until it swallows her whole.
When Susanne stops swaying, she stands, whole and complete. She wraps her own arms around herself, and stares down at her sundress.
That's right. It was a date, her date dared her to put on the headset, so she did. She wonders what happened to her. If her date called the police, she doesn't know. She just remembers waking up in the circus, falling off the stage into Queenie's arms, and seeing Kinger nearby, while Caine hovered behind her.
It was her fist date since high school, she was so pretty. She wore her prettiest sundress, to try and make herself look flattering beside her.
'You're pretty.' A tiny little voice, inside her own mind. It's soft, nearly silent, but the feeling of happiness burns through her chest.
"Caine?" She asks, and she means for it to be internal. She spins in place, sees Kinger on the sofa still, his face half scrunched in a smile.
'Susie.' The little voice says again, and she feels joy in her very core. The core she didn't have as a human. There now, new, something unique.
A core, where her emotions flood to and from. A core, where every magic trick is pulled from. She thinks, if she focuses hard enough, she could fly.
"This is what it feels like?" She asks, a hand coming up to run over the top of her dress. If she digs down, she could feel the core right there, just under her collarbones. Something solid and real. Touchable.
'Sometimes.' The voice says, and she feels regret pulse from her core.
"Let go, Caine." She pleads, pressing fingers harder against her skin, like she can reach in and grab her core.
'It won't be fun. Can't we be this?' The voice begs, and fear hits her. But not her fear. His, hidden under layers, wrapped in a tight bow and tucked away to the back of her core.
"It's okay." She whispers, and there's silence for a moment, two, before it hits.
Emotions flood her. Overwhelming and surrounding her core, pounding at the walls of it, begging to be let out. She doubles over, barely hears it as Kinger jumps up and runs to them.
It doesn't hurt. It's not pain. But it's so much.
It's desperation, it's happiness, it's sadness, it's fear and joy.
It's memories.
It's the terror of being asked to fuse, knowing how much it would hurt. It's sadness, realizing why it hurt so bad. It's the mental debate in her own mind, it's the horror of ripping herself in two.
It's the Forget command, thrown at her before she can realize what's happening. It's Forget It, being tossed at her and forcing her into silence, hushing away the need to commiserate. To say she understands.
It's joy, helping Daisy feel like herself, and wishing that she could do that too.
It's sadness, left alone in an office, with models that she never got to use, because a programmer told her it wasn't right. To be both isn't okay. She's binary.
It's love, endless and surging love, like a tsunami and it's tides, wave after wave.
It's love when they enjoy her adventures. It's love when they hate them. It's love for feedback, and it's love for nothing. It's love in hand crafting their rooms, picking out little things to make them smile. It's love making adventures, and getting to see at-least one big smile when they come back.
It's them. It's humans, human love.
"Oh Caine." She whispers, and Susanne feels seen.
White light swallows her.
The light fades, and she's on her knees, Kinger hovering over her. She looks up, spots Caine, a few feet away, crashed on his knees as well, arms wrapped tight around his midsection.
"Wait. No, no, no, wait, no, Caine!" She shouts, and stumbles to her feet, crashing back down to her knees. She feels like jello, like her rag-doll body can't keep her upright. Kinger makes a noise, tries to help her, but she shoves him away. She crawls forward, stopping just in-front of him.
"It should have worked, we shouldn't have been unstable, please! Please, Caine, I promise, it's not like before, I love you, I promise I do!" She cries, and she feels tears well up in her own eyes, hands trembling. She wants to touch him, but he's trembling, body violently glitching like he's trying to hold himself together.
He? She? They? She needs to talk to him about what she felt.
"It worked." He whispers, and his voice is so quiet she barely hears it.
"Huh?!" She asks, ducking down to try and see his face. His jaw snaps shut.
"It worked." His voice emits regardless of the closed mouth.
"But…but we-" she starts, and he looks up at her, eyes barely opening. He's crying, oh he's crying…
"I felt it." He whispers, and his hands move. He lets himself go, clutching instead at his chest, right below where his collarbones would be.
Right where Susanne's core was.
"You. You love. So much." He whispers, his voice breaking. She stops fighting the urge, reaching out and pulling him close, tightly wrapping him into a hug.
"I do. I do, I promise. I felt it too." She whispers. "The love. You love us so much. More than I even thought you would have." She presses her cloth face to his upper jaw.
"I know. I saw. The love. I saw it all. The love, the fear, oh god you were so scared…" she pulls him closer, and feels his hands curl into her dress. He's so small like this.
"I felt…you. You were so scared, when you first came here. I didn't notice…" he whispers, his jaw shut but his voice projecting anyways. "Scared and alone. You liked the horses though. When we had them at the petting zoo." He laughs, and she laughs as well, smoothing a hand down his back.
"I felt it. The…the desire. The models." She whispers, and he goes stiff.
"Scratch said I can't." He whispers, and she huffs.
"I think Scratch is a bit silly." She tells him, and he huffs into her dress.
"Not today?" He asks, and she nods.
"Not today. But soon, okay?" She asks, and he nods.
"Soon."
She holds him close, just taking in the moment. He's still shaking, so is she, but they hold each other, in the moment of silence. Kinger's hand rests on her upper back, and she turns her face to look at him, pressing a cheek to the top of Caine's upper jaw.
He looks concerned.
"We're okay. We love each other." She whispers, and Kinger smiles, his face scrunching.
"Good."