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The lawsuit, while messy, was finally over.
Finances were tight, his disability pay having stopped when he recertified. He tried to hold out hope that things would get better once he returned to the firehouse…but then he found out that Bobby was starting him off with only one shift a week.
It was supposed to be temporary, he said it was to allow Buck to ease back into the swing of things and allow the rest of the crew to get over their ire, but it wasn’t temporary.
His first shift back had been on Halloween, a twelve hour shift cut short after he got into an argument with Eddie, but now it was the new year and nothing had changed. He was still on the receiving end of snide comments and rough shoulder checks and still only working one shift a week. He was lucky if he was allowed to work the full shift.
Well…that wasn’t entirely true. Nothing at the firehouse had changed, but everything outside of it had.
Two weeks after he’d returned to work, Buck realized that the “temporary” situation wasn’t going to change anytime soon, so he took matters into his own hands. Sure, he probably could have gone to HR and the Union and explained the situation, but he didn’t want to throw anyone - Bobby - under the proverbial bus. Mainly because a part of him still hoped to someday be back in good standing with the team…he hoped that someday they’d all be a family again.
At least he still had Maddie.
Sort of.
She seemed to come and go like the tide. Sometimes she’d be talking to him consistently and checking in, and then he’d go weeks without hearing from her. He tried not to let her know how much it hurt. Especially since lately, it seemed like he was hearing from her less and less with most of his texts going unanswered.
Anyway, the fact remained that he’d taken matters into his own hands. It all started with him falling back into a skill he’d honed during his years on the road: an ability to be anything anyone needed.
A bartender? He just needed a small refresher but he keeps his liquor license up to date.
A carpenter? He still has a basic tool kit.
A ranch hand? He missed riding and his rope-work had improved vastly since becoming a firefighter.
Beyond that, he was willing to learn and adapt. So, about two weeks after returning to the firehouse, Buck began temporarily filling positions around town as he was needed. He’d walk in and charm his way into a same day interview before working until he was no longer needed or until he found something else. So far he’d been a baker, a dog walker, a barista, a server, and an event coordinator - although, he still wasn’t sure how he managed to land that last one, but he wielded that clipboard like a pro.
Baking had been fun and he’d learned a lot in the three weeks that he’d been there for two shifts a weeks, the same could be said for being a barista. Then dog walking had been thrown into the mix during any free moment he’d had. It somehow hadn’t felt like he was working four jobs at once since he’d enjoyed all three of his temporary ones so much.
Event coordinating had lasted for two and a half weeks after he’d left the bakery and the coffee shop, though he did keep doing the dog walking since it was good for his leg and cardio. He’d become so proficient with the clipboard and the checklists that he ended up spending both of his next 24’s updating the firehouses checklists to streamline the process for checks and restocks. He’d received a lot of shit for doing so, but everyone stopped complaining when they realized it worked.
He was still a bit smug about that one.
After he was let go from the event coordinating position, he filled in as a server at a cabaret club. He made seriously good tips which got even better when he transitioned into the bar after one of the bartenders quit ten minutes before her shift. He stayed there until a few days into the New Year, only quitting that and the dog walking because he found a job as a ranch hand that allowed him to come and go as he pleased, which meant that he was there almost anytime he wasn’t on shift.
That was also when the 118 found out about Buck’s myriad of skills.
***
It had started out as a normal day on the ranch.
He’d helped to herd the cattle to a different pasture so that they could repair the fencing in the old one, then they’d gotten to work on the old fencing before breaking for lunch. They were just cleaning up their trash when the wind shifted and Buck smelled smoke. He began moving immediately, rushing away from the picnic tables in order to figure out where the smell was coming from, and began cursing when he rounded the barn and caught sight of the wall of flames coming from the farm next door.
“Fuck!” He pulled his phone out, shouting at the guys to get the owner on the radio and start wetting stuff down while he dialed 911.
“911, what’s your emergency?” He vaguely recognized the voice on the other line.
“This is off duty firefighter Evan Buckley! I’m at Wilkins Ranch and there are flames heading towards us from the farm about a mile east of us, we’re wetting things down in order to slow it’s movement, but we need trucks and potentially a water drop.”
“Copy that, Buck. This is Josh, can-” Whatever Josh was about to say, Buck didn’t catch since his attention was pulled towards the fence starting to smoke.
“Shit! I need to help move the animals. Just send everyone you can!” He hung up and shoved his phone into his pocket, bolting for the barn. “Rodney!” A bald, tall, broad man with a scraggly black beard turned to face him. “Saddle up, we need to get the cattle moved to the far field! Grab Emmett and Dave to help.” Rodney nodded and ran to find the two other men while Buck turned to the rest of the men gathered outside of the barn.
“Get the rest of the animals loaded and move them to the emergency shelters at the far end of the property, the fire department should be here soon.” He didn’t wait for a response before rushing into the barn to tack up his preferred horse in record time and mount him. “C’mon, Titan!” He nodded to the three other men and took off. Emmett and Dave ran ahead to get the gates open while Rodney and Buck got ready to herd the cattle from behind.
They’d just gotten all of the cattle through the gate leading to the big field when they heard the sirens approaching but they stayed focused on their task, trusting the guys still wetting things down to help direct the incoming firefighters.
Smoke was heavy in the air by the time Rodney and Buck returned, having left Emmett and Dave with the cattle as a precaution. A couple of the trucks used to haul the trailers full of animals had also returned, the rest likely staying hooked up where it was currently safe in case they needed to move fast. Mr. Wilkins and his daughter were also present, looking up when they heard Titan’s heavy footfalls, faces relaxing in relief.
“Buck, Rodney! Give us the rundown on the evac.” Mr. Wilkins approached them, listening as they traded off explaining what happened and the current plans.
Buck at one point happened to look out at the gathered firefighters, stumbling over his words slightly when he noticed the 118 among the gathered crews before shaking off the surprise and finishing his report. He ignored the eyes he could feel on him as he shifted in his saddle.
“-day! Trapped-” Everyone gathered went silent as Buck’s radio flared to life, he’d kept his on the usual frequency for the ranch while Rodney had the guys who’d evacuated the animals switch channels so that they knew who was calling for help. “I -ed he- out here! Trap- fire! -st by- hill!” The transmission kept cutting in and out, but he heard enough to know what had happened.
“Claire, toss me the big fire extinguisher! Jake, I need another rope, preferably already tied!” Claire and Jake rushed off while Rodney moved his horse, Prince, in a way that subtly corralled the firefighter’s out of Buck’s way.
Jake returned first, handing a lasso off to Buck quickly just as Claire burst from the barn with one of the bigger fire extinguishers. He looked up and subtly nodded the Rodney, who immediately became less than subtle with his corralling while Buck transferred the reigns to one hand in order to keep his grip on the extinguisher. As soon as he saw a big enough opening, he encouraged Titan to run, ignoring the shouting behind him as he took off toward the hills.
Distantly he could see Jasmine, one of the most skilled riders he’d ever met, struggling to keep her horse, Duchess, calm in the face of the encroaching flames. Duchess was typically fearless, but she was currently surrounded on all sides by flames and smoke, so losing her nerve was understandable.
As he got closer, he noticed a gap in the flames, big enough for Titan to jump without the risk of being burned. As soon as they jumped the gap, Buck tied one end of the lasso to the saddle horn before lassoing Duchess. With that done, he tightened his thighs on Titan’s flank so that he could use both hands to operate the fire extinguisher, aiming it at the gap he’d come through in order to widen the path enough for Titan and Duchess to get through without having to jump. It took some coaxing and a lot of tugging, but Buck and Jasmine managed to get the horses through the gap, pushing them into a run back to the ranch.
Mr. Wilkins and Rodney were ready with the hoses when they returned, spraying the horses down while they guzzled water from the trough to cool them off and wash away as much of the soot and ash as they could so that the horses were clean for the on-call vet to check over when they arrived. Upon dismount, Jake appeared next to him with a bottle of water which Buck promptly took and gulped down. He finished in time to see Jasmine polishing off a bottle of her own.
“Nice quick thinking there, Buck.” Mr. Wilkins clapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention.
“Thanks, boss.” Buck winced at how rough his voice sounded, turning slightly to cough into his elbow.
“You and Jas should let the paramedics check you out. I heard someone calling for an air drop, so this mess should be over soon.”
“Yes, sir.” He inclined his head with a small smile before looking around for Jasmine, spotting her already sitting in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask. He sighed when he realized it was an ambulance for the 118 before making his way over, steeling himself for whatever confrontation may happen as he approached. “Room for one more?”
Hen and Chimney’s heads lifted quickly to stare at him with open mouth shock. It would’ve been amusing if there wasn’t so much lingering tension.
“…Or I can go find another paramedic team.” When they remained silent, simply staring at him in shock, Buck turned to walk away and nearly ran right into Bobby and Eddie.
“Let them check you over.” Bobby’s tone left no room for argument.
“Another paramedic can give me the all clear.”
“I’d prefer them.”
“And I’d prefer not to have this conversation, but here we are.” Buck glowered at Bobby, his jaw set stubbornly.
“Buck,” Hen’s voice was quiet, almost hesitant, behind him. “Can I check you over?” Of everyone present, things with Hen were the least tense. Sure, her silence stung - especially after the big deal she made about marching to the beat of her own drum on his first day back - but it wasn’t hostile from her like it had been with the others.
“Fine.” His jaw ticked as he clenched it, pointedly turning his back on Bobby and Eddie while also not looking at Chimney when he turned to face Hen. He clambered into the ambulance, sitting on the bench opposite of Jasmine, arching an eyebrow at her incredulous expression. They’d gotten drunk together one night and he’d spilled the beans on his situation to her, his guess was that she’d thought he was exaggerating up until that moment. “My lungs are fine, throat is a little sore from the smoke and exertion, but it’s nothing some tea with honey, soup, and water won’t fix.”
“And a few days off of…work?” He met her questioning gaze calmly, refusing to confirm anything to her with an audience present. “The lingering smoke and the dust from the dirt and hay will irritate everything and make it take longer to clear up.”
“Noted. I will deal with the longer recovery time.”
“Buck-”
“I will do what I need to do to treat this outside of work and I will wear a mask with a filter while I’m here.”
“And at the firehouse?” Bobby’s voice was tense.
“It’s not like I’m running into any burning buildings, captain.” Since Buck was still refusing to look at him, he missed Bobby’s flinch and the guilt that briefly flashed across his face. “Jas, how are you feeling?” He softened his tone when he addressed her.
“Better than I could be, all thanks to you.” She pulled the mask away from her face to speak. “I’ve never seen Duchess freak out like that, not even with snakes.”
“Fire’s a different beast, besides she calmed down when it mattered and didn’t try to throw you even once.”
They continued chatting for a few more minutes until Hen made Jasmine put her mask back on fully, then she cleared Buck to leave.
“Thanks, Hen. I’ll see you for my next shift.” He nodded to her once before fist bumping Jasmine, then hopped out of the back of the ambulance and walked away.
He didn’t glance back.
***
Buck tactfully, but firmly, shut down any questions about the ranch during his next shift by reminding everyone that they were on the clock and what they were asking him was personal. He continued by pointing out that they were the ones who’d set the boundary of keeping things professional and private on shift when they tried to push further.
A week later, an old construction buddy reached out to see if Buck would be interested in helping out with a build he was contracted to do in the LA area. They talked it out over beers one night, then Buck turned in his notice at the ranch the next day. Mr. Wilkins and the others were sad to see him go, but wished him luck, Mr. Wilkins also made a point to mention that Buck was welcome back at any time to help out or ride Titan, which he really appreciated.
Buck didn’t mention the new job to anyone connected to the firehouse, even if he did have to shut down more than one conversation over new scrapes and bruises he’d acquired on the job site.
A week before the build was complete, he had another unwanted run-in with the 118.
A small earthquake hit while he and a few of the guys were up on the scaffolding and the roof. The shifting ground unfortunately caused the scaffolding to collapsed which left Buck and two others stranded on the roof while five guys went down in the collapse. He could hear people panicking but saw no one pulling out their phones so, with a groan of resignation, Buck tugged out his own phone and called 911 once more to request multiple ambulances and a ladder truck. He made small talk with Linda while waiting, huffing out a laugh when she said ‘good luck’ after the requested units arrived.
He and the two guys stranded watched their crew get checked over on the ground before being stabilized and loaded into the various ambulances. With them out of the way, the ladder truck was moved into position and extended out. Naturally, it was Eddie waiting at the top of the ladder.
He had the other two guys go down before him, then followed when they’d made it down. He let Eddie help stabilize him when he got onto the ladder, but was quick to pull away and scurry down a moment later. Chimney was manning the controls and gave him a small nod when Buck passed him, which he politely returned.
“Buck,” Buck froze in his tracks, not turning to face the voice and barely holding back an eye roll. “Let Hen check you out.”
“No need, Captain Nash.”
“I’d feel better if you got checked out.” Buck whipped around then with a glare.
“You’d feel better?” Buck scoffed, shaking his head as he spun around to face Bobby. “Funny, cause lately you’ve given the impression that I don’t mean shit to you.” He watched Bobby flinch, feeling only a small twinge of guilt before swallowing it down. “I’m not on duty, therefore you can’t order me to do anything. I wasn’t hit with anything and I didn’t fall, so having a paramedic check me over would be a waste of everyone’s time and resources. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to assist in assessing the damage and find out how much that quake is setting us back. I’ll see you for shift.”
Buck walked away, not looking back as he went to find Larkin so that they could assess the damage to the site and crew.
***
The quake somehow, miraculously, didn’t set them back too much. It took less than a week to repair the minor damage before they were back on track and wrapping things up. Larkin tried to entice him to join his crew on the road, but Buck stood firm on remaining in LA.
He wasn’t going to let some tension and cold shoulders chase him off from the first place that had ever truly felt like home to him.
When the construction job officially wrapped up, Larkin took the crew out for dinner and drinks at a dive bar not too far from the loft. It was a fun last hurrah with the guys before most of them would be moving on with Larkin to the next build. Buck only had one beer at the start of the night since he had a shift the next day at the firehouse, but he still thoroughly enjoyed himself before taking off for the night.
After yet another shift of being relegated to crowd control and solo menial tasks, Buck made his way back to the dive bar. He’d enjoyed the ambiance the night before and was looking forward to checking the place out without the crew around to distract him.
He also just so happened to see the ‘Help Wanted’ sign on his way in, interviewing on the spot, and walking out a little while later with a schedule that worked around his shifts at the firehouse.
A few weeks later, Buck was enjoying a busy night with great tips when he had yet another run-in with the 118…and Athena.
It had been a busy enough night that they’d had to call in a couple of extra hands to keep up with the crowd, but the energy was still upbeat and definitely not careening towards frazzled. Buck had been behind the bar slinging beers and mixing drinks when a woman had come up asking for a tequila sunrise.
They’d chatted while he was mixing up her drink, then Buck had served it to her and moved onto a group of guys that needed a refill on their pitchers of beer. He circled back to the woman to make her another sunrise a little while later, then helped the next person who stepped up to the bar. A lull hit that he used to clean up the bar some before the next rush hit, but it was as he was moving closer to the sunrise woman that he noticed how uncomfortable she looked.
Instantly on alert, he looked past her to see a guy leaning further into her space than would be necessary or appropriate, even with how crowded the bar currently was. He nudged his coworker, nodding towards the interaction before making his way over.
“Ma’am, is this guy bothering you?” He ignored the glare sent his way by the guy, keeping his attention focused on the woman.
“She’s fine.” The response was practically spat out, drawing his attention to the guy. Buck just quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed.
“I wasn’t asking you.” He turned his attention back to the woman. “I was asking her.”
She opened her mouth to respond when a commotion broke out in the back corner, drawing everyone’s attention as the sounds of a fight reached their ears, glass breaking following soon after. Buck stayed where he was, but nodded to Mikey when he looked back to make sure he was good to intervene. He saw a few people run out of the back to join Mikey, so he turned his attention back to the woman…just in time to see her take a big sip of her drink with the man conveniently out of sight.
“Was your hand covering your drink when you looked away?”
“What?” The woman looked at him, alarmed.
“Was your hand covering your drink?”
“Uh…no?”
“Shit, shit, shit.” Buck immediately took her glass from her, setting it on the counter before grabbing an unopened bottle of water and passing it to her.
“Buck! We’ve got injuries over here!”
“Copy, calling it in!” He pulled out his phone and dialed the too-familiar number, half listening to the dispatcher, who he thinks is Josh again, go through their spiel. “This is off duty firefighter Evan Buckley, I need cops and a few ambulances at Jack’s Dive Bar. A fight broke out and there are several injured, and I’ve also got a woman at the bar who has potentially been drugged.”
“Copy that, Buck. Units are en route.”
“Let me guess…the 118?”
“Yep.” Buck looked skyward and begged for patience.
“Thanks for the heads up.” He got off the phone just in time to see the woman’s eyes start to go hazy. “Christ.” With a groan, Buck carefully hopped the counter and caught her just as she began to slump. “Mikey!” The man in question handed the guy he was holding off to someone else before weaving his way back through the crowd until he stopped in front of Buck. “I need you to pull the footage from the bar and both entrances, have it ready to hand off to the cops. I’ve already set her drink behind the bar for the same reason.”
“Got it.” Mikey took off and the first officers arrived on scene less than five minutes later, one of which happened to be Athena.
“Buck?” She looked incredibly confused to see him, and he honestly couldn’t blame her.
“Hey, ‘Thena.” He shifted his hold on the woman, taking on more of her weight. “A fight broke out, caused enough of a distraction that some guy was able to slip something into her drink. Effects started hitting her between five and seven minutes, she started going down right as I got off with dispatch.”
“Got it,” She turned to two of the officers that had followed her over. “Start securing the scene, and make a path for the paramedics while you’re at it. Anything else, Buckaroo?”
“I set her drink behind the bar,” He inclined his head to where the half-drunk cocktail was sitting, “And I’ve got Mikey pulling security footage from over the bar and both entrances. Mikey was working behind the bar with me all night until the fight broke out.”
“Did you get a look at the guy who may have drugged her?”
“Yeah, dude was a real piece of work, too. All up in her space even after I tried to intervene.”
“Uh, Buck?” He jolted, turning slightly to look over his shoulder. He grimaced when he saw Chimney and Eddie standing behind him with a gurney.
“Han, Diaz.” He ignored the incredulous look on Athena’s face as he turned his back on the two men. “One of you needs to switch out with Hen, if possible. For her comfort.” The woman shifted slightly, groaning low in her throat. “And maybe get a basin ready in case she hurls.”
Surprisingly, it was Chimney who switched out with Hen. Normally, it was Eddie jumping at any opportunity to get away from Buck, so the fact that he elected to stay was a minor miracle…one that Buck didn’t feel like analyzing too closely in that moment.
He stayed where he was as Hen checked the woman’s vitals, then he helped transfer her over to Eddie before quickly stepping aside so that they had room to get the woman onto the gurney.
As soon as they were out of the way, Athena gestured for crime scene techs to move in. He watched as they bagged the drink before his attention was pulled away by Athena’s hand on his arm, guiding him away from the area. When they stopped, she pulled out her notepad and pen.
“How long have you been working here?”
“Few weeks. It’s temporary enough that I put in my notice yesterday.”
“Oh, what about the firehouse?” Buck had a sneaking suspicion that Athena had mostly forgotten she was still interviewing Buck.
“Still only being scheduled for a single shift a week. Gotta pay the bills somehow, ya know?” He glanced around. “Anyway, I should finish giving you my statement so that you can get out of here.”
Athena visibly shook herself, a professional mask falling into place once more as she got back to the relevant questions.
They shut the bar early once the first responders cleared out, spending the rest of what would have been their shift cleaning everything up since the scene had been released. They worked in relative silence and successfully had the place back to normal by the time they’d usually be getting off on a slow night.
Buck went back to the loft that night already dreading his next shift at the firehouse.
He was getting really tired of the run-ins.
***
Maybe a week after his last shift at the bar, he was contacted by the manager of the coffee shop he'd briefly worked at when this whole thing had started. They'd parted ways on good terms and Buck had mentioned he'd potentially be willing to cover in a pinch, so when his phone lit up with a call from her he was quick to answer.
Two days later, he was walking in for his first shift at five in the morning.
A week and a half after that, he wanted to throttle the universe for not giving him a moment of peace.
It had been a slow, middle of the week shift where most of the customers were their regulars. Elena was bitching about her college classes to Nick who seemed to have her mostly tuned out if his blank expression was anything to go by. Buck was restocking the pastries while sharing a despairing look with Nina before she started grinding some fresh beans.
He’d gone into the back to grab some things they were low on up front and start the dishes, so he didn’t hear the sirens go by, but he was back up front when the bell above the door dinged and caught his attention.
He’d turned away from his restocking with a smile, ready to greet whoever had come into the cafe, only to freeze in place out of shock as he fought to keep a smile in place. It wasn’t his genuine one, but it was a professional one.
“Welcome in, let us know if you have any questions.” His own voice grated on his ears as he forced the words out with false cheeriness.
The 118 stood before him, mouths open in shock as he pointedly grabbed the to-go cups and crouched down to restock the back up stash under the register. He felt a comforting presence next to him and looked up to find Nina standing there, the next bundle of wrapped to-go cups ready to hand off to him. She gave him a supportive smile when she realized she had Buck’s full attention, nodding once before grabbing the last bundle and handing it over…and then not walking away.
That was the beautiful thing about Nina, she could read a room better than anyone he’d ever met.
Except maybe Athena.
Buck could’ve made the process go by faster, he still knew everyone’s order by heart - something he was resenting in that moment - but then he’d be assuming things, and wasn’t that what had started this whole mess?
He’d assumed that he could trust Bobby, his captain, to make a professional decision. He’d assumed that Eddie would follow through on his promise to have Buck’s back. He’d assumed that Hen would be in his corner, even if she had been disappointed with him. He’d assumed Chimney would be able to keep his personal relationship with his sister out of their professional relationship on the clock.
He’d been painfully wrong on every count, so why the hell would he keep assuming anything else?
The 118 gave their orders with stilted words, still clearly caught off guard. Each of them ordered the same things they always ordered, which Buck rung up and added the first responder discount to before joining Nina in the task of making the hoard of orders. Elena and Nick had clearly read the room for once, since they were making themselves busy in the back and staying out of the way.
The door dinged once more, the last of their regulars leaving, which meant that the place was now empty except for the 118 and them.
His smile dropped the second the door clicked shut, his expression going blank as he focused on the task at hand. He made everything with quiet, steady precision and let Nina handle the task of calling out the orders as they became ready.
When it was finally done, Buck handed the last drink off to Nina before abruptly turning to grab the bucket of dishes and wasting no time in using it as an excuse to escape to the back. They had a machine that could wash everything for them, so he put all of his focus into carefully loading it before sending everything through.
The team was gone by the time he came out with the freshly washed and still steaming dishes.
***
The anniversary for the bombing had passed quietly, with him as man behind for the entirety of his shift.
He didn’t want to think about how the decision had likely been a deliberate one.
***
Summer was fast approaching, so Buck quit the cafe once more to take up a job on the beach as a lifeguard, then he dusted off his surfing skills and certifications and started teaching surf lessons once a week as well.
The end of May approached quickly, with nothing really changing between himself and the 118.
It was partially his own fault. He often wondered if things would’ve improved if he hadn’t shut down any questions following the ranch fire.
Or maybe things would’ve stayed exactly the same.
The point was that nothing had changed. He still only worked one shift a week at the firehouse, he still existed in his own lonely bubble, and he still worked whatever job struck his fancy in order to pay the bills and fill his time.
It wasn’t like he had any social life to plan around anyway.
All of that said, he’d really like to go back to the time when he could work one of his extra jobs without running into the 118.
He was on duty as a lifeguard that day, head on a swivel as he watched the beach from the tower. The end of his shift was crawling towards him when the sound of a jet ski caught his attention. Jet skis weren't uncommon, but this one was getting louder and wasn't slowing down as it headed straight for the beach, its rider slumped over in a way that immediately alerted Buck to something much bigger being wrong.
His partner roaming the beach below had also frozen, observing the scene for a moment before loudly shouting for people to clear the area. Panic set in immediately amongst the crowd, people screaming as they scattered in every direction.
Buck stayed on the tower long enough to radio for help before rushing down to the beach below him and running towards the now beached jet ski, turning it off immediately before beginning to assess the rider. A glint of light reflecting off of metal drew his attention to a medical alert bracelet.
Buck lifted the girls wrist to take a closer look, then promptly began cursing as he carefully scooped her up off of the jet ski and swiftly moved back towards the tower in order to lay her on stable ground before rolling her into the recover position after making sure she was still breathing following the move.
The head of their team arrived just as the sound of sirens reached his ears, causing him to look up in time to catch the flash of ‘118’ on the side of the ambulance. He grit his teeth to keep from releasing another string of curses, breathing in deeply through his nose as he returned his attention to his patient.
“Buck?” Hen's incredulous tone reached his ears.
“Hi, Hen.” He gave a curt nod, looking past her to find the rest of the team. “Jet ski came in full throttle to the beach with the rider slumped over on its back. I'm thinking she had a seizure,” He indicated the bracelet, “Breathing is still good, but she hasn't regained awareness.”
Hen blinked once more in shock before her paramedic brain kicked in, immediately moving to take over and run her own assessment to confirm Buck's theory. He stepped back quickly, making room for Chimney to step in.
“Captain Nash,” Bobby jolted, looking up at the sound of Buck’s voice. “There was a bit of a panic when my partner below,” Buck nodded his head in the direction of the beach, “shouted for everyone to evacuate. It may be prudent to make sure no one else was injured in the chaos.”
“R-Right.” Bobby stared at him for a long moment before shaking himself and turning to Eddie. “Eddie, you run point on triage for the crowd. I’ll call for some additional units, just in case.”
“Copy, cap.” Eddie hesitated a moment, eyeing Buck for a second like he wanted to say something before shaking his head and walking away.
“Buck,” Joey, the head of their team, approached with a clipboard in hand. “Can you fill out an incident report, please? I already had Scott do his.”
“Yeah, of course.” He didn’t look back as he followed Joey to the furthest corner of the tower to fill out the report.
A while later, the 118 was packing up when Buck, Joey, and Scott emerged from the nearby locker area with their stuff since their shift had ended for the day. Buck and Joey’s vehicles were currently blocked in by the extra ambulances that hadn’t been needed, so they hovered off to the side chatting after saying their goodbyes to Scott.
“Have you given anymore thought to Australia?” Out of the corner of his eyes, Buck saw everyone’s heads snap towards him.
“J, you said I’d have until the end of the month to give you an answer.” He didn’t want to talk about this in front of the others.
“I know, I know, and you still do…but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get a feel for which direction you’re leaning. C’mon, kid, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! The exchange program normally doesn’t consider anyone with as little patrolling experience as you, but they’re making an exception because of all of your certs and other skills! Plus, you could join their volunteer firefighting program as well, if that’s what it takes to get you to agree. I’m sure they’d love to have you for that.”
“Yeah…” Buck chewed on his lip, the side of his face burning due to the eyes boring into him.
“Look, Buck, just really think it over, okay? I can put you in touch with others who’ve done the program if that would help.” Buck sighed in resignation at Joey’s insistence.
“I’ll let you know, promise.” He didn’t mention that he’d already made up his mind.
***
The knock on his door the next morning shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it still managed to startle him awake. He jolted up from the bed, practically tripping over his feet and the blankets in his rush to get down the stairs and stop the non-stop knocking. Half awake, still blinking the sleep from his eyes, Buck finally reached the door. He unlocked it with more force than necessary and jerked it open with a scowl that deepened when he saw who was on the other side of the door.
“What?”
“Can we come in?” Buck looked past Eddie to find Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Athena, and Maddie standing in the hallway.
“You’re not going to go away if I say no, are you.” It wasn’t a question, but Eddie still shook his head.
“No, it’s well past time we talked.” His eyes were wide and pleading, but Buck just scoffed.
“You think? Try too late.” He went to slam the door in their faces, only to be stopped by Eddie planting his foot in the door-jam with a desperate look on his face.
“Please, Buck. Just…hear us out.”
“Fine.” He didn’t open the door wider, simply stepped back and all but stomped off. He ignored the shuffling of feet behind him as he made his way back up the stairs. “You know where the mugs are, feel free to make yourselves coffee since you decided this conversation needed to happen before eight in the morning.” He was being petty and he knew it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he jerked a few drawers open to grab clothes.
“I’m going to take a shower.” With that, he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.
He dropped the clothes onto the counter, breathing harshly as he leaned over to grip the sink with his eyes squeezed shut. Several deep breaths later, he finally released his grip on the sink and opened his eyes before mechanically reaching for his toothbrush. When his teeth were clean he turned on the bathroom vent and the water, stripping out of his pyjamas and folding them carefully before setting them on the counter and getting in.
He purposefully took a long shower, giving himself more time to calm down and wake up a bit more before getting out and drying off. He then went through his hair and skin care routines with painstaking precision, rather than just rushing through the process, and got dressed.
When he finally walked out of the bathroom, it was to find Athena seated on the end of his freshly made bed with a less than impressed look.
“Uh, thanks for making my bed?” He approached cautiously, dropping his folded pyjamas on his pillow as he leaned over to grab his phone.
“Least I could do given that we woke you up.” He just hummed in response, straightening up awkwardly.
“Guess we should head downstairs…” He didn’t make any movements to back up that statement, staying rooted to the spot while Athena watched him with a far too knowing look.
“Hear them out, Buck, then go from there.”
“They expect me to roll over and apologize.”
“Maybe a few months ago, but now? Now they understand what they’ve done.”
“Yeah, because I’m leaving. Not because they actually feel bad about anything they did.”
“Trust me, they feel bad.” Athena smirked before standing. “I made sure of it.” She patted his arm before heading down the stairs, leaving him with no choice but to follow.
He was halfway down when a knock sounded at the door, which Eddie rushed to open. The smell of pastries and coffee hit his nose as he stepped off of the stairs, curiously eyeing the doorway and making no moves to help Eddie as he struggled to balance the trays of coffee and the pasty box in his arms as he stepped back and kicked the door shut.
“Got your favorites.” He set the hoard down on the kitchen counter, pulling one of the coffees out of the tray and handing it over. Bobby appeared next to him with a plate, which Eddie immediately filled with a strawberry scone with chocolate drizzle and handed it over to Buck as well.
“Uh…thanks? Was there something wrong with my coffee?”
“No, but we figured this would be a good start to an apology for waking you up so early.” Hen spoke up from where she stood by the sink.
“Right, because none of you could wait until a more decent hour to beat down my door.” He roughly set down the plate and coffee, taking his spot at the table as he waited for everyone else to stop dragging their feet.
Athena huffed once, rolled her eyes at the gathered group, then moved forward to grab her own coffee and pastry before sitting next to Buck with a small smile. The others followed suit a moment later.
“I’m simply here as an observer,” Athena spoke up as soon as the last person was seated. Bobby and Eddie were sitting across from him and Athena, with Maddie and Hen at either end of the table and Chimney awkwardly seated at the bar, his chair turned towards them so that he could be included. “That said, all of them already know where I stand on this matter.”
“Buck,” Maddie was the first to speak up, “Why didn’t you reach out to me?”
“I did,” His voice was flat, expression twisted in irritation. “For weeks I reached out to you. I either got blown off or completely ignored, so I took the hint. Besides, it’s obviously not like you even noticed.”
“I did notice! I just…I thought you needed space.” It was a weak excuse, and they both knew it.
“Right, because weeks of one-sided conversations totally gave the impression of needing space.” Buck rolled his eyes, taking a harsher than necessary bite of his scone and hating how much he loved it.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Evan! You sued them, and it felt like I had to choose a side!”
“No, I sued Bobby. I didn’t sue the team, I didn’t sue you, I sued my captain and the department for misconduct and constructive discharge.” He glared at her before continuing. “There never should have been any sides for you to take, but I think it speaks volumes that your immediate decision was to choose your boyfriend over your brother.”
“Buck, you were never terminated-” Bobby tried to speak, but Buck cut him off.
“-Wasn’t I? I mean, I had all of the proper sign offs in order to return to work even on the blood thinners, and you told me I was a liability to the team.” There was a chorus of shocked protests from those gathered as Bobby ducked his head. “You lied to me for weeks and told me that it was the brass who wouldn’t sign off on my return, but then it turned out to be you holding me back while the brass did nothing to correct the fact that your decision wasn’t coming from a professional standpoint.”
“Buck,” Eddie’s voice cracked. “We didn’t know.”
“You didn’t ask. You believed whatever lie he told you to make me the bad guy, and never once thought to question it or realize that whatever he was telling you wasn’t something I would do.”
“What did you want from me, Buck? I had to think about Christopher and his nightmares! I was stressed out and overwhelmed!”
“I needed you to have my back!” Buck stood abruptly, his chair tipping over as he watched Eddie flinch back in shock. “You promised and you fucking broke that promise the first chance you got. And if anyone could have helped you with Christopher, it would have been me. Or did you forget that I went through the tsunami as well? That I was the one who spent hours searching for him while you had no idea he was even in danger. I offered to help more than once and every time you turned me down by saying you had it under control.” He stared at Eddie for a moment longer before turning on Hen.
“And you,” Hen flinched, “You made me think I had someone in my corner, only to abandon me just like everyone else.” He glanced up at Chimney, who looked prepared for the worst. “You didn’t even have a chance to disappoint me, I already knew I didn’t really matter to you beyond being your girlfriends brother and a guy you happened to work with.” Chimney looked devastated, but Buck didn’t give him a chance to speak.
“I won the lawsuit,” Everyone looked shocked by the news, “But I turned down the settlement offer because all I wanted was to come home and go back to work with my family.” He looked at Bobby once more. “You told me the single shift a week was temporary, that it was to ease me back in and let everyone get over their hurt feelings. But they followed your lead, and when you didn’t forgive me, neither did they. When my shifts never increased, I decided my job wasn’t worth being homeless again for, so I did what I had to do to pay my bills.”
“Again?” Athena’s voice was sharp as she caught what he’d said.
“I was essentially homeless from the moment I left Hershey in Maddie’s jeep. I slept in that jeep unless I could afford a shitty hotel room, found a somewhat reputable hostel, or charmed my way into someone’s bed or onto their couch for a night or two.”
“You never said…” Maddie looked horrified as she trailed off, hands coming up to cover her mouth as tears filled her eyes.
“You sent me away with a letter. Did you really think I was going to let on how much I was struggling? How I often had to choose between putting gas in the jeep and eating? How I’d often purposefully flirt with people at bars so they’d buy me food and take me home with them so that I had someplace warm to sleep for the night? Or how about-” Buck cut himself off, viciously biting the inside of his cheek as he breathed harshly through his nose. His hands had curled into fists, nailed digging in sharply against his palms.
“I honestly didn’t think you would have cared back then.” He bit out the words, still trying to keep himself calm. “You never asked what life was like for me on the road when you broke back into my life. You chose to believe the watered down version of my life because it meant you didn’t have to worry about me.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Maddie sounded so…hurt.
“What would have been the point, Maddie? At what point was I supposed to burst your bubble by saying “hey, remember those postcards I sent you? Well, I left out a lot of slightly traumatic shit.”? You had Doug to deal with, and then you seemed content to pretend like that portion of your life never happened, so I figured I’d let you keep believing that I’d been fine.”
“Why didn’t you come to me when things got tight?” Eddie’s voice was strained, his expression pinched as if he already knew the answer and was bracing himself for impact.
“I sucked it up, just like you told me to because I didn’t want to be anymore exhausting.” Eddie flinched hard. “Tell me,” Buck looked around at everyone gathered, minus Athena. “Are you more upset over the fact that I never needed you or the fact that I’m willing to finally walk away?” Several sounds of protest answered him, but it was Bobby who spoke up.
“No! We’re upset over how we’ve treated you!” Bobby stood suddenly, making sure he had Buck’s attention before he continued speaking. “These last few months have been eye-opening, but I was too wrapped up in my hurt and my pride to admit that I was driving you further and further away. Yesterday, hearing that there was a chance we could lose you without even being able to fix things…it lit the fire under our asses that we needed.”
“If you hadn’t overheard that conversation, would you even be here right now?” Buck watched as everyone looked away, guilt written all over their faces. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
“Buck please,” Chimney surprised him by speaking up, voice full of devastation. “Don’t leave, man. Just give us a chance to prove that we mean our apologies and that we want you here.”
Buck stared at him for a long moment, mulling everything over before reaching a decision.
“No.” Even Athena looked at him in disbelief. “I’m not passing up on this opportunity just to give all of you peace of mind.”
“But-” Buck held up a hand, cutting Chimney off.
“However, it’s only a six week program and I’ve already cleared my leave with the brass.” He saw more than one set of shoulders slump with relief. “I’m letting my lead know tomorrow.” Buck decided now was the best time to pull the rug out from under their feet. “For right now, other than when I’m on shift, I don’t want to see any of you.” He nudged Athena to silently tell her she was the exception as everyone began to panic.
“You’ve all hurt me, some coffee and pastries aren’t going to magically fix that. Neither will some half-assed apologies.” He took a step away from the table. “I leave in two weeks, then I’ll be gone for six weeks, and back at the station a week after I return to the states. That’s nine weeks to figure your shit out and decide if you actually want me around, or if you just feel too guilty to let me go.”
He squeezed Athena’s shoulder once before turning to head up the stairs.
“You can let yourselves out.”
***
Australia had been fun, the most fun he’d had in ages if he was being honest with himself.
He’d learned so many things and made a bunch of friends while experiencing a new environment. It made him remember how much he’d loved traveling when he wasn’t worried about where his next meal would come from.
Now, however, he was sitting outside of the firehouse in his jeep while wondering if it was too late to call out sick and push his return off to the following week.
The idea of facing everyone, of finally getting an answer to whether he needed to move on or not, honestly terrified him.
On the one hand, if they actually wanted him there then they had a very long road ahead of them to rebuild the lost trust and mend the wounds created by broken promises and months of silence.
On the other hand, if they didn’t want him there anymore then he’d be officially losing the family he thought he’d finally found.
Taking a deep breath, Buck forced himself to get out of the jeep and make his way inside. The bay was weirdly empty, but he didn’t think much of it as he entered the locker room and changed into his uniform. He shoved his duffel into his locker, grabbed his phone, and made his way up the stairs to the loft. The smell of french toast wafted down towards him, making his mouth water as he took the stairs two at a time.
Whatever he was expecting when he crested the top of the stairs, it wasn’t the giant ‘welcome back!’ banner or the mixed crowd of 118 members and their families.
“Welcome back, Buck!” The chorus of cheers was slightly too loud, his hands twitching slightly as he resisted the urge to cover his ears to protect against the onslaught of noise.
“Buck!” Christopher, whom he had somehow missed amidst all of the commotion, began racing towards him immediately. A wide grin on his face as Buck dropped down to meet him, pulling him into a tight hug. “I mi-issed you!”
“I missed you too, Superman.” He gave one last squeeze before standing and finally taking in the rest of the loft.
A full breakfast bar was set up with eggs, french toast, various fruits, different protein options, and syrups. There was also various juices and coffee set up with creamers and cups at the ready. Besides the banner, streamers had also been hung from the beams and he noticed balloons bundled into the corner.
Bobby and the others approached him, looking happy to see him and slightly nervous.
“So…I take it you guys figured yourselves out?”
“We did,” Bobby glanced around the gathered group before lifting his chin and meeting Buck’s gaze head on. “We want you, Buck. However long it takes, we’ll rebuild the trust and prove to you that you’re part of this family.”
“This is a good start.”
For the first time since the lawsuit, Buck gave the 118 a small but genuine smile.