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Arin was trainging, fighting the wooden dummy infront of him to clear his head. He had been back for a while now. Everyone seemd to have forgiven him for going with Ras. Even Lloyd did. And jet. He felt useless.
He felt stuipid. Ofcourse Ras was a bad idea. Hou could he be such an idiot. It's Ras! He didn't feel like he earned forgiveness. He betrayed the Ninja, His friends, His found family. He blamed himself for everything. He was useless even before joining Ras. He has no powers unlike the other ninja. He got and still gets beaten very easy. He isn't worth to be called a ninja. And the voices in his head know it. Repeating his thoughts hours on end. He started to hit the wooden dummy with more force. Trying to silence it.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
"I do. Lloyd thinks so."
You know thats not true. He's lying.
"No he isn't."
But you're not sure are you?
"Just shut up, please. Why are you even back."
He started hitting more violontly. Calm and collected hits went out of control. More hasty. 'Why do these words sting so much? It's not true. It's not. Atleast i think so. Hope so.' The wooden dummy started to look more off. It was still wood, but it looked worn out. And it was wet. Not like Arin noticed. His vision and mind were blurred by everything going on inside his head. The voices in his head.
Stop.
"Stop what?"
Trying.
"..."
It's not like you are doing great.
"I am"
No you're not.
"I. Am."
No. And you know that.
"I..."
The only thing you're good at right now is lying, to yourself thinking you could do anything right.
"..."
"..."
"You... Really think so?"
Look at yourself. Say you deserve to be a ninja. Say you're a good student. Say you're good at anything.
"..."
Say it.
"I can't."
Arin hits the dummy as hard as he can. Trying to let go oof the pain inside. "Why can't i be better? Why am i so horrible? Why can't i change myself? Why can't i change me?"
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Change me.
Arin hit the dummy with all his strenth and hatred. Its head snapped off. Arin stared at it for a moment. And looked around. Since when was it night? How long was he there punching his guts out? And why was the dummy...Red? Arin looked at it for a moment. Looking at the dummy. On the spots where he was hitting, crimson red spots apeard. He hardly had time to figure out how when someone gasped behind him.
Sora was standing in the doorway, eyes widend in horror at Arin. "Why are you up so late? And what are you even doing?" She asked worried. "I...Uh. Why are you awake actually?" Arin asked, trying to dodge the question. "Well I was sleeping peacefully when i heard somthing fall pretty loudly. And you out of your bed at flipping twelve AM!" Sora exclaimed. Arin just looked down. And then he saw it. His hands were coverd in blood. How did he not feel that? It atleast explain the dummy. Sora walked over and lookd at his confussed face. "You didn't feel that?" She asked. Arin stayed silent. Sora took a look at his hands, then at the broken dummy, then back at Arin. She sighed as she took him to the medbay to get a medkit.
Arin sat on a chair as Sora tried patching the cuts on his knuckels of his hands.. "You're bleeding pretty bad Arin. What were you doing out there?" She asked. Arin thought for a moment. "Uh... I was training to be better for tomorrow."
You're lying.
'I'm not'
You were punching out your feelings. You were wandering at night. You are lying.
'I am. Aren't i.'
I told you. The only thing you're good at is lying.
'Fine. I am.'
Sora had bandage up both his hands. "Thanks Sora." Arin said. "You can be honest with me Arin." Sora said. "I think you're hiding something. Tell me." Arin thought for a moment.
Lie
'No.'
Yes
'No! Why should i?'
Why shouldn't you? She won't uderstand. She has powers, she is important and powerful.
You are most certainly not
'Shut up.'
No
"I'm not lying. I promise. I just... I was hitting the dummy to hard on accident." Arin lied. "Okay." Sora said, looking straight into his eyes. "I believe you."
'She shouldn't...'
Sora cleaned up the mess she made and packed the medkit up. "You know you're very lucky right? If anyone else woke up from that broken dummy, you'd have a lecture about why you're up this late." Sora said as she put away the medkit. "Like what happend to you right." Arin teased. "Gosh, can't a girl have a night snack in peace." Sora said. "You ate donuts! What kind of night snack is that?" Arin continued in an teasing tone. "You just have no taste in a good snack." Sora told him as she cleaned up the last pieces of mess she left. She started to head to her and Arin's room. "You coming?" She asked. "Soon. I'm just going to clean up the broken dummy in the courtyard." Arin said. Sora gave a thumbs up as she went to her bed and Arin went into the courtyard.
Only the dummy's head was snapped of. It shouldn't take so long to clean. Atleast it would if the devil on your shoulder was talking in your ear.
Why are you even still here?
'What do you mean by that?'
You're no ninja. You said yourself. You are stuipid.
'I will get better. I know i will. I'm not leaving.'
You are being trained by the green ninja. The grandson of the first spinjitzu master. Your idol is training you. And you left him for anouther. He is waisting time and effort on you.
'I can still get better. I have to!'
But you're not.
...
Admit it.
'I am not getting better.'
Thats the only truth you've ever said.
Why stay here if you're so bad at being a ninja?
Leave.
Arin stayed quiet infront of the broken dummy. He'd took the head and body to a corner. They're right. The voices. Why is he here? He is awful at being a ninja, an awful teamate, a waste of space.
I said Leave.
'I will.'
Good.
Arin opend the gates, looking back at the monostary. "I'm not meant to be here. And they'll all would've seen it soon." He left, closing the gates behind him
Arin started walking.
Pick up the pace.
He did.
Go quicker.
He did.
faster.
He did.
Just run.
He did.
He ran to a nearby forest. He went deep into the woods. He didn't look where he went. he just Ran straight forward.
Sora Woke up to Arin not in his bed. She brushed it off. Mabey he was training again like last night or doing something else. But she didn't find him anywhere the entire morning. She passed Lloyd down the hallway, wanting to ask him where Arin was. "Sora, do you know where Arin is?" Lloyd asked. "I was going to ask you. I haven't seen him al day. He wasn't even in bed." Sora answerd. Lloyd nodded. "Mabey he went to the crossroads or something. Mabey you can go look for him." Lloyd said. Sora smiled and nodded. She knew he was worried. And he was probably right. So Sora went to the crossroads to find Arin
At arival Sora began asking old friends if they knew or saw where Arin was. She even asked Kreel. Yet no one knew where Arin was. By the time it was night, Sora had went into panic mode. Where the heck is Arin?
Sora sighed as she aproached the monostary gates. 'You know what, mabey Arin just came back to the monostary. Yeah. He's probably safe and sound in the monostary.' Sora thought to herself. When she opend the gates, she found no Arin. She found Lloyd, probably waiting for her. He immediately walked up to Sora. "Did you find Arin?" He asked. "No i didn't. I thought he came back to the monostary or something." Sora Replied. Lloyd shook his head. Both of them started to get worried. Where did Arin go?
Lloyd and Kai were walking in the woods. Lloyd had gone with Kai to find Arin in the woods, while he asked Sora to go with Zane to the crossroads. Mabey he was in the crossroads, or not. Arin could be anywhere. "Lloyd. Are you okay." Kai asked. "Well... As wel as can be i guess. I just hope Arin is okay." Lloyd answerd. "He will be. Don't worry to much about it. He's fine." Kai reassured. Lloyd smiled and nodden. Arin is okay. He must be.
Lloyd and Kai split up to hopefully find Arin faster. Kai has gone off the path. Mabey he went off track.
And he did.
Kai just kept walking straight in the dark forest. It was hard to see, but he was a bit hesitant to use his powers. He didn't wat to start a fire in the woods. With his luck it would probably hapen. He kept walking until a branch hit his head that he didn't see. "Ow." The branch had snapped off. Kai picked it up and was about to toss it aside, when he saw something. Even in the dim light, the moon shined on the branch, revealing dark red. Kai thought first he mabey hit his head harder than he thought. But he couldn't find any cuts, and the blood looked dried out. Could t be from Arin. Hopefully not.
Kai chose to ignite a bit of flame on a branch to make a torch. He may cause a fire, (spoiler: he wont,) But he can atleast see. And on the ground he saw more dried out blood going north west of him. Following it, he found a body laying on his front on the ground. In an very familier gi
Arin...
Kai immidietly checked his pulse and breathing. He was breathing a bit shallow, but he was there. "Oh fsm, he's alive." Kai exclaimed. Kai immidietly shot a fire blast in the air, hoping Lloyd saw. Kai searched Arin's body for any wounds. He layed Arin on his back. There was a large, deep gash on Arin's forehead. Blood dripped down his head. "Oh my..." Lloyd arrived at the scene, and was horrified.
Lloyd rushed to Arin's side. "Don't worry. By some miracle he's alive." Kai told Lloyd. Lloyd breathed a sigh of relief, though there was clearly a good amount of worry on his face. "How did he get this gash on his head?" Lloyd asked. Kai showed him the branch with the dried out blood. "My guess is he hit this branch, stumbeld sideways and passed out." Kai said. Lloyd took the branch. "But i hit my head on the same one, and it isn't a very sharp one. So is suspect he wasn't walking, he was running." Kai continued. Lloyd looked at Arin's body with a worried look. "Lets just get him to the medbay. Now!" Loyd said. Both Lloyd and Kai carried Arin to the monostary and Sora and Zane back.
Arin Woke up, yet he felt drained. He opend his eyes. It was very dark. But he had felt these cushins before. He was in the medbay of the monostary. 'How did i get here? Why am i here?'
Weak
'Please not now.'
You can't even walk away from the monostary without needing help.
'Just shut up. I'm way to tired.'
Don't you get it? You're back in the monostary.
He was. And that didn't sit right with Arin. He was unusually scared. being back. He sat up. But was met with a wave of nausea. He starts gagging violently and feels unbalenced. And his raw, wet sound of retching is what alerts Sora.
Hearing Arin gagging Sora storms into the medbay and finds him sittin unbalanced and Gagging. Sora wastes no time. Grabbing a trash can and shoves it under Arin's chin. She sits next to him and wraps her arm around his waist so he doesn't fall in his own stomic acid that he's vomiting up.
Arin was dry heaving though it all, causing his wound to throb in agonizing pain. He instinctivly clutches his head, groaning between gasps.
After Arin was done he slumped down agaist Sora. He's drained himself from every last bit of energy he had.Sora put down the trash can. She likely saw the non-existing energy in Aring cause she grabbed a tisue and wiped his mouth and layed him down against his pillow. Arin felt like such a dead weight. "Thanks Sora." He said. "You're very welcome.
Sora was about to leave when she went and sat on the end of the bed. "Is there anything bothering you Arin?" She asked. Arin stayed silent. Sora sighed, but smiled. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me. But don't ever, and i mean EVER, do this again. You gave me a heart attack." She stood and walked herself out the door, but not before giving Arin a kind smile.
Arin woke up again, only now it was day time. The light was very bright. Arin coverd his eyes. A robotic voice spoke. "Do you want me to close the blinds?" He asked. Arin nodded and the light fadded away. "Thanks." Arin said. "No problem." Zane replied. "Why are you here?" "I'm inspecting your wounds on your head." Zane said. "What?" Arin asked. Zane grabbed a small mirror. Arin saw a wound on his head. "That looks bad." Arin said. "It is. And i'm going to patch it up." Zane said. "Is that why you are here?" Arin asked. Zane looked confused. "Yes, i already told you." "No you didn't." "I did." Zane played a recordingof Him telling Arin. "How do i not remember that?" Arin asked. "It could be your head injury's. But it isn't permanet." Zane asured. Zane stiched up Arin's wound shut and wrapped a bandage around it.
There was a knock at the door. It was Lloyd. "Can i talk privatly with Arin for a minute?" He asked Zane. Zane nodded and left the room. Lloyd sat at the end of the bed. "How does your head feel?" He asked. "It's better than yesterday. Jus a littel lightheaded." Arin answerd. Lloyd nodded. Than his face turned more seriouse, "Mind telling me what happend?" Arin stayed silent. How is he suposed to tell what happend? "Arin, i need you to tell me. Everyone was worried sick about you." Lloyd said. "Fine. But you... You won't think i'm crazy?" Arin asked. "Ofcourse not." Lloyd said. Arin sighed.
"I was training. But i just... i don't know how but i got stuck in an trance. And some voices in my head... They said i didn't belong here, that you were lying about me being a good ninja, that i am only good at lying to myself and others." Arin crossed his arms, looking down. "And i believed it all. I put all that hatred on myself on that doll, snapping his head off and damaging my hands." He showed Lloyd his hands, the bandage pretty red. Lloyd looked at Arin's hands. "Did you wrap bandage around it?" He asked. "No. I had woken up Sora and she did." He answerd. "Anyway. I wanted tojust change and just... Magaicly fit into the team. Jet the voices kust keep shouting. Telling me to leave." Arin looked up at Lloyd, seeing the emotions going though his face. "So i did. I walked away. They told me to go faster, and faster, faster. And to close my eyes when i was in the woods. I guess thats how i got that gash on my head." He looked at Lloyd. And he thought back to the last time. Tears flowed from his eyes. "And did you know i had this earlier? But worse."
Arin wipped his eyes, though it was no use cause His tears still ran down his face. "When you were training me on my first day. I felt like i was shit as a ninja. Thats when i first heard voices. And after i blinded Igalt. I felt so bad. And the voices... They told me to... Cut on or around my eye." Lloyd was stunned. "You mean... Self-harm." Lloyd asked. Arin nodded. "Did you do it?" Lloyd asked worried." "No. No. You came so i didn't get the chance to." Arin responded. Lloyd was speechless. Arin always seemed so happy and joyful, jet he hid all this pain from him. "Why didn't you tell me?" Lloyd asked. "You'd think i was crazy or something. And i didn't want to dissapoint you."
He probably does.
'No. Please no.'
You know it.
"Arin." "Yeah?" "Look at me." Arin looked up At Lloyd. Tears still flowing. "First of all, i'm never. Ever. Going to be dissapointed in you. It was your first day. I also struggeld. It's nothing to fell bad about." Arin nodded
He's lying.
"Secondly. If you came up to me with this, i wouldn't have found you crazy. Then or now. I would've helped you." Now Arin was the one stunned. "You mean that?" He asked. "I do, Arin." Lloyd responded.Arin started crying silently. "I'm such an idiot." Lloyd sat beside him as he cried.
Leave now.
Go.
He thinks you're crazy.
You don't belong here. You Changeling.
Idiot.
Piece of trash.
Horrible ninja.
'Stop.'
Why?
'Cause i won't listen, anymore.'
Yes.
'No.'
"Lloyd. I hear them again. The voices." Arin said through his tears. Lloyd hugs him. Don't listen to them. The only voices that speak the truth are here, in the monostary. Not in your head." Arin cried into Lloyds shoulder. And it finally quiet. No insults, no war inside his head
Nothing. Only silence.