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Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die by 0MissE0, Artimus_Pax, ArtistRedFox, Athena_Muldrow, Baze_loves_bugs, biggirlsdontcry, Blank_Error, BlindayEverlien, carpetchewer, cottonmouthcandy, CrypticMushroom, CthosEris, DarkLordOfAwesomeness, Dimonds456, Djdjdjmk, egg_with_a_pen, EmS (EmilienSancier), Kyle_committing_Arson, lackinggravitas (espansivo), MariDraws, Oatmeal_Archive, pickledoesfanfic, ryeBread1825114, SpookyArchivist, stayweirdalways
Fandom Gravity Falls
28 Oct 2025
Summary
Have you ever looked at an old man in a cartoon show targeted for kids and wondered “Hm… I wonder how many times this guy (who only has 5 fingers {LAME!!}) almost died?”
Well, WONDER NO MORE!!! Here in [Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die] you will find most of Grunkle Stan’s NDEs!! But what is an ‘NDE’ you may ask- why, it’s short for [Near Death Expirience(s)] Of course!!This fanfiction is centred over what would happen if the elder twins weren’t such little ***** and actually ******* held hands!! WOW!! Crazy! It is also based on the fandom’s dire need to see this old man in pain! Constantly! And needing to see this old man’s brother see his brother in pain! For guilt! It’s yummy!!
As the setting is the [Bill-Cipher Zodiac] the characters involved in this series (written by various writers in the fandom) may consist of: Shooting Star, Pine Tree, ?, Ice Ice Babyy and other characters only very specific people care about!“I'm a very relentless individual and have a lot more insanity coming”
- Alex Hirsch- Words:
- 147,569
- Works:
- 35
- Bookmarks:
- 61
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Summary
“You don’t want to do this,” Peter said, his voice somehow steady despite the circumstance.
“Don’t tell me what I want,” Vischer snapped, tightening his grip on the knife he had pressed to Neal’s throat.
Neal gets hurt on a job, and the injury interferes with a very important part of his identity.Chapter 1 - Day 1: vocal cords
Chapter 2 - Day 28: recoverySeries
- Part 1 of febuwhump 2025 (thief edition)
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“Neal knows who he is Peter, don’t worry. I’ve got his tracking data pulled up, the cabs just about reached June’s. If he leaves to go anywhere, I’ll know about it. Just go back to enjoying your time with Elizabeth’s family, and if we’re lucky we’ll both get to enjoy some Caffrey free time.”
aka Neal gets sick while Peter is out of the city, but Peter has a gut feeling that something is up and tries to see what happens if Neal's given some space.
Spoiler: Neal gets more sick
Whumptober 2024 Day 5: Regret
Series
- Part 5 of Neal Caffrey Whumptober 2024
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Summary
“Wait— don’t. Please.” Neal practically begged. “The light helped.”
So Peter easily obliged. He brought the phone out again and held it between them. “Is there anything else I can do that will help?”
Neal ran a hand through his hair, anxious fidgeting. “I don’t— I just—” Neal shook his head, as if that would clear the connection between his mouth and his brain that was currently blocked by adrenaline and fear. “Talk? Just…too quiet. Too dark.”
aka when Neal goes back to prison after Kate's plane explosion, he's put into solitary confinement more often, creating a conditioned reaction of small spaces triggering his flashbacks. It's just perfect when a storm knocks out the power while he and Peter are in the elevator.
Whumptober 2024 Day 4: Sensory deprivation
Series
- Part 4 of Neal Caffrey Whumptober 2024
Bookmarked by Oatmeal_Archive
25 Jun 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
so this has to be one of my favorite Neal Has PTSD fics
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Summary
The words process slowly in Peter’s brain because none of it made sense, and then everything snaps into an enraged focus. He reaches out and grabs a fistful of Covett’s shirt, pushing him back against the van. “You’re telling me you sent him in there knowing the cover was already blown?! You risked his life, just like that?!”
Covett looks up at him wide eyed, like he’s shocked Peter’s upset. “Burke, what the hell?! That’s Caffrey’s job isn’t it, to go into these shady situations and get the information he can! We took a calculated risk!”
aka Agent Covett from the DEA asks to borrow Neal for an "easy" mission that turns out to be a trap.
Whumptober 2024: Set Up for Failure
Series
- Part 3 of Neal Caffrey Whumptober 2024
Bookmarked by Oatmeal_Archive
25 Jun 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Neal? Hurt.
Peter? Worried.
Hotel? Trivago. -
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Summary
By the time they got to finish the game, his stubbornness was the only thing that kept his eyes open. He didn’t really know who won, but he knew Jones kept stealing french fries back from Diana, so that was probably a good enough victory.
“Thanks for staying guys,” Neal told them as he was forced to lay his bed back into the flat position. “It’s…been nice. Nice to not be alone.”
“Of course dude,” Jones said, shuffling the cards. “We’re a team, yeah? We watch out for each other.
aka almost immediately after Peter goes on vacation for the weekend, with express instructions to Neal to not bother him, Neal comes down with a bad case of appendicitis. Luckily for him, there are a lot of people who care about him and will sit by his bedside to keep him company.
Whumptober Day 13: Team as a Family
Series
- Part 11 of Neal Caffrey Whumptober 2024
Bookmarked by Oatmeal_Archive
24 Jun 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
god I love it when team is family like this